


Of butterflies and soulmates

by lookslikepatricia



Series: Of stuff and soulmates [5]
Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Mythology, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, And a few original characters too, M/M, Mentions of shamanism, Not Beta Read, Secondary characters from other groups, Trying not to add to many tags and failing, You guys know the deal by now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookslikepatricia/pseuds/lookslikepatricia
Summary: Lee Donghun, the mere son of a shaman, has been marked by a deity. Without knowing why he has a harder time than most accepting his bond with it, he sets foot into the world trying to find someone to help him, completely unaware he is spreading his mark around, exactly how he was supposed to be.
Relationships: Kang Yuchan | Chan/Lee Donghun, Kim Byeongkwan/Lee Donghun, Kim Sehyoon | Wow/Lee Donghun, Lee Donghun/Park Junhee | Jun
Series: Of stuff and soulmates [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842940
Comments: 31
Kudos: 42





	1. Yuchan

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to a new installment of this series.  
> In a different time from the other ones, this fic is kind of a prologue but not really. Maybe it's a bit of an origin story, I don't know.  
> As self-indulgent as this is, I hope you guys enjoy Donghun falling in love four times in a scenario heavily inspired by the Favorite Boys era.

She went down the mountain at twilight. Her bare feet, hidden under the skirt of her hanbok lightly crushed the grass, leaving a trace of dew from where she passed. The same happened with the tree leaves or flowers she touched, and in a way, it was like she was the one bringing the nightly dampness to the world from her house in the mist on top of the mountain.

Every night she would go down to the village on the bottom of the mountain. She liked to observe the residents going on over their business without the noise and haste of the day. She liked seeing people going back to their houses to reunite with their families, friends leaving the market together, and the occasional loner sitting down the bridge over the narrow river that passed in between the houses. She liked seeing the lanterns being lightened up, bringing a yellow brightness to the darkness of the night. And she liked seeing the elders putting the children to bed with the most amazing stories, which all seemed too fantastic to be true, but she had witnessed them with her two eyes.

Her favorite thing, however, was observing the lovers meeting up in the shadows after the moon was already high in the sky. The way tall boys would crouch over fragile girls to steal a kiss under a tree. The way short girls would stand on their tiptoes to look in the eyes of other girls like they were looking at the stars in the sky. The way boys would walk on the riverside, shyly bringing their hands together while blushing and looking away. It warmed her heart seeing something as pure and innocent as young love blooming in such a harsh and dark place such as the human world.

That was why she always went the extra mile to answer their prayers and offers when it came to love. She was known as a particularly strict deity, especially in terms of answering human’s requests, mostly finding them selfish or stingy, but not for love. If the person was desperate enough to come to her temple asking for love or happiness in their relationships, she was always more than glad to comply. She took her time finding the right partner and usually the encounter happened when the person least expected. She was also particularly fond of mothers who came to her as a good match for their children, but only those who would have their offspring happiness and plenitude in mind. The ones that only wished for fortune or status were ignored.

Walking a bit further, she came close to a house, where a special couple lived. The woman was the descendent of a long lineage of shamans dedicated to interpreting her messages to the village and had been the first in a long time to come in contact with the deity directly. Her name was Hye and she had been awarded the best husband she could find. It was her way of expressing her gratitude and sorrow for all the trouble she had put the shaman through from a young age. Hye had given birth to a boy recently, and the goddess had started to end her small walks around the village at their house, to watch her and her husband, Hun, dote on the young baby.

“She is here…” She heard the shaman whisper to her husband as soon as stopped in front of their closed window. The man stood up and opened the window with reverence even though he couldn’t see the woman standing outside. The shaman bowed to her and brought the baby to her, who took him in her arms.

“He has been growing well, hasn’t he?” She asked and Hye smiled, nodding. “Have you already named him?”

“We have. His name is Lee Donghun.” The shaman got close to her husband and hugged him close. The couple smiled fondly at each other and the fondness of the scene made the deity give the baby back to his mother.

“Is an interesting name. He should be under my fortune if he accepts me when the time comes.” Hye nodded, this time worried, what didn’t go unnoticed by the goddess. “Don’t worry, child. I have great plans for our little Donghun.”

She turned around and left without another word, not seeing the anxious bow the couple gave her. Going up the mountain again, the idea she had while holding the shaman’s newborn in her arms became fixed in her mind by the time she crossed the door of the temple on the top of the mountain to go back to her house in the spiritual realm.

“Lee Donghun, come back here!” Fourteen years had passed since the deity’s words about the shaman’s son and he had grown into a serious but caring young teenager, who helped his father on the farm and learned diligently from his mother his duty as the next shaman in the village. Most adults respected him because of his focused nature and most children were a bit afraid of him for the same reason. That is, except for one. Kang Yuchan was four years younger than Donghun and the son of the farming family that lived beside him, being the only one who could make the older to cause trouble. “Those tangerines aren’t ripped yet!”

The boy ignored his father's screams and crossed the farm carrying a few of the fruits over his arms. He ran to the forest behind the land his parents owned and went a bit over the mountain that overlooked his village. His mother had taught him that the mountain was a sacred place and protected them from all kinds of misfortunes, so he shouldn’t go there for no reason. Donghun and his mother would never go up the mountain unless it was during the rituals and only the truly desperate would dare to go there. So naturally, the mountain had become his and Yuchan’s secret hidden place, where they could be and play without the interference of others. Donghun, however, made sure to always bow to it before going up it and had taught his friend to do the same.

Donghun found the other boy hiding behind a few trees and sat with him without a word. Yuchan was shorter than him, with round eyes and face, which made him look like he was always smiling. It fit his loud laugh and constant energy and contrasted almost perfectly with Donghun’s serious expression and sad eyes.

“Did you steal it?” The younger boy asked, excitedly, while getting one of the tangerines.

“I did, but not sure why. I could have just asked for them.”

“It’s because it's more fun like this, hyung,” Yuchan informed him, dismissively, and laughed right after, making the older smile.

“If you say so…” Donghun got one of the fruits too and opened it to eat. They all looked very appetizing and the juicy flesh of the tangerine made his mouth water. He took the first bite and almost spitted the piece by how sour it was. “Father was right, they aren’t ripe yet.” Donghun put the tangerine down, whining, and looked at Yuchan, who had put half of his fruit in his mouth and made a disgusted face at every chew. “That’s what I get for listening to you…” He continued eating his fruit, not letting it go to waste and his friend gave him an embarrassed smile, full of tangerine.

The boys finished eating in silence, too shaken up from the sourness to talk, and went up a bit more up the mountain, completely unaware of the woman observing them from afar. As they kept going, the woman did too, observing Donghun help the younger go through the more difficult parts of the way and Yuchan cracking jokes to make the older laugh. She had never seen such fondness between two humans like this before and always observed them playing around her mountain.

They reached a shrine, the first one that showed the path to the temple on the top of the mountain and Donghun knew they should come back from there. The path, as the temple itself, was sacred and his mother had just shown him the second one in the previous week. The older boy touched Yuchan’s sleeve to make him stop.

“We should go back, Channie…” He said, serious and a scared look passed through his face before the boy smiled again.

“Come on, hyung. You’re scared of a little statue?” The boy laughed and transposed to the sacred path. Donghun sighed and went after him, wanting to bring him back, already planning the scolding he would give Yuchan. 

But for some reason, the boy seemed a lot quicker in the path than he normally would be and Donghun kept finding himself unable to catch him. He passed the second shrine in no time and felt observed by the trees. The wind started blowing harder and humid, and by the time he reached the third and last shrine before the temple, he could almost swear it was telling him to leave. But Yuchan kept going and he needed to bring the other boy back, even though he was nowhere to be found.

Scared and worried, Donghun kept going and found himself lost in the heavy mist. He couldn’t see much further and proceed carefully, not wanting to trip and hurt himself in the middle of nowhere. He, then, suddenly halted, like time had stopped and a woman appeared right in front of him. She was very tall, had incredibly milky skin and hair as dark as the night sky, upon a tight bun with a white binyeo, and wearing a red and blue hanbok. She walked slowly towards him and the boy could see her bare feet lightly crushing the grass.

“Lee Donghun, what are you doing alone in my mountain? Where is your mother?” The woman said, firmly, her voice resounding through the air. The boy was so scared he couldn’t say anything and just dropped to the floor to bow to her. It was the first lesson his mother had taught him ― if a strange figure approaches you in the mountain, bow to them to show your respect for the supernatural beings. The woman observed him in the ground for a few seconds, pleased. “Your mother taught you well, Lee Donghun, but you should rise and answer me.” The boy felt himself shivering from head to toe from the order but still did as told.

“I’m not alone…” His voice came out shaken and tears gathered in his eyes. “My friend Yuchan got lost and I’m trying to find him.”

“He got lost?” She asked, suspicious and Donghun widened his eyes in surprise. “He didn’t cross the path to my temple while both of you shouldn’t even be up the mountain? Haven’t both of you constantly come here to eat stolen fruits from your parents' farms and play around the sacred ground? Just because it's fun doing what has been forbidden?” Donghun started crying from being caught by that strange woman and kneeled in fear and shame.

“I’m sorry, ajumoni, I’m really sorry. Please forgive Yuchanie. He is just a farming child.” A sob came out but Donghun couldn’t see the fond smile the woman had on her lips. “He knows nothing about the spiritual realm. If we need to be punished, please, just let me bear our punishments. He is just a young kid.”

“And are you not?” She asked, strict and the boy raised his eye to her. “Are you also not a young boy, son of a farmer?” The woman came even closer and crouched in front of him, putting her delicate fingers on his chin. “Or are you special, Lee Donghun?”

“I’m not special, ajumoni. Just the mere son of a shaman…” He tried to lower his head, but the woman didn’t let him, making the boy stare at her eyes. Donghun felt weird looking at those eyes that changed colors, from various shades of blues to reds and purples. After a few minutes, the woman’s eyes became yellow and he felt himself being pulled into those strange eyes, suddenly falling throughout the dark. The boy kept falling and falling until reaching the ground.

“But you will be…” The words were whispered in his ears by a feminine voice and he opened his eyes.

Donghun was laying down on a mat over a wooden floor. It was already night time and, slowly he sat down, finding himself inside of a small structure, lightened down by candles on the floor and a statue that seemed very familiar. He tried to get up, but felt weak and whined quietly. His mother appeared at the door, worry written all over her face. She came to him, not daring to look at the statue, and hugged her son tightly, tears in her eyes.

“I thought I had lost you, Hunnie…” She whispered. “You have been sleeping for a week and I don’t even want to think what could have happened if Kang Yunchan hadn’t found you.”

“Is he alright?” Donghun asked and his mother made her embrace loose to look at his face.

“He is, but he wasn’t very happy with the scolding I gave him for coming into sacred ground.” Her voice became annoyed, but her eyes were soft enough for the boy to know she wasn’t going to scold him too. “He comes every morning to see if you have woken up. I think this taught him a bigger lesson than any scolding could.” Hye smiled sadly at her son and petted his cheek lightly. “Have you?” Donghun nodded, ashamed and her mother mirrored his expression.

The shaman let go of him and brought him some water and food she had been cooking outside. She shared the portion between the boy and the statue and watched her son eat anxiously. Donghun pushed the food inside more to satisfy his mother than from hunger and they both bowed a few times to the statue before getting outside the temple.

“Do you think you can go down?” Hye asked him, holding the young boy’s hand. Donghun tried to walk a few steps but felt nauseous and weak, so he denied and his mother sighed. “I feared you couldn’t.” She brought him to a small improvised shelter a few meters from the temple. “We couldn’t move you from that place inside of the temple. The most I could do was raise your body to put in on a mat.” The shaman sighed again. “I really don’t know what kind of divine inspiration came over that Kang boy to look inside for you. I would never have dared to get so close to an entrance of the spiritual realm.”

“That’s why you didn’t stay inside with me?” Donghun asked, curious. His mother nodded while making the fire where she had cooked stronger.

“You should rest, son,” Hye said, trying to hide an enormous sadness. “We can talk in the morning and away from the mountain…” The boy assented and his mother hugged him tightly for a few minutes, overwhelmed by relief for Donghun being unharmed, but also grieving for her son’s future. After all, he had been marked.

Donghun retrieved to the shelter for the night and woke up with the sun already very high in the sky. His mother had cooked them some stew for breakfast but just the smell made him feel sick, so he refused to eat. Hye only sighed, knowing exactly what was happening, and ate by herself, making her son confused since she usually made him eat properly on every meal. The boy wanted to ask, but the sound of steps caught his attention.

“Hyung!” A strangled voice exclaimed and Donghun turned around, seeing Yunchan’s expression lighten up. The younger boy came running and threw himself on his arms.

“Channie…” He called softly, caressing the top of the other boy’s head. “Are you okay?” Donghun whispered and only felt Yuchan’s nod on his chest. Satisfied, he raised his head and found his mother observing them quietly. She didn’t say anything, bringing her attention back to the stew and separating a portion for the younger boy.

It took a while for Yuchan to let go of Donghun and neither commented on the fact that he had wet the front of the older’s hanbok with his tears. But the boy accepted the stew enthusiastically and quickly went back to his joyous ways, asking his friend excitedly what had happened to him.

“Not here, child.” The shaman scolded him, making him visibly wilt. “We should go down as quickly as we can. The trees have eyes and the mountain hears everything.” Both boys looked at her, confused, but she gave them no explanation. “But it’s good that you came, Yuchan. Donghun is still weak and will need help to go down.” The younger boy nodded and helped Hye to unmake the shelter. 

Donghun tried to help, but a sudden dizziness came over him and both his mother and friend stopped him from doing anything. After everything was packed, Yuchan took most of the older boy’s weight to help him walk properly, even though he was shorter than Donghun by a head. They started going down the mountain slowly and the older boy tried to convince his mother to share the load of the shelter’s equipment with him, but she refused, saying that he couldn’t even walk properly. Which was something Donghun didn’t want to admit, but it was true. If Yuchan wasn’t holding him, he would have already felt down by how sick and numb he felt. It was like he could faint at any moment.

The group took half a day to get back home since Hye made sure they stopped to rest every time her son started to look paler. She forced him to eat a few times, but he ended up throwing up, scaring Yuchan. By the time they had reached the bottom of the mountain, Donghun had cold sweat all over his body and was complaining about a strong headache. The shaman asked the other boy to bring her husband to them while she waited with her son.

Afraid and worried about his friend, Yuchan ran as fast as he could to the farm and found Hun plowing the land. He alarmed the man about what was happening and the farmer left his tools to follow the young boy to where his wife and son were. They found Donghun already passed out on his mother’s arms, burning with a fever. Hun took his son on his back and carried him back home, with Hye by his side, explaining what was happening in whispers. Yuchan took all of the equipment by himself, almost not being able to carry them, and ran after them, stumbling through the way.

When he got to their house, the door was already closed and he could only hear hushed steps and voices inside. He put the equipment on the porch and crouched outside, knowing he couldn’t stay too close to the house unless he was invited in. While he waited, the sun picked in the sky and started setting. His knees hurt from the position, so he sat down on the ground of the yard, not caring he was getting the pants of his hanbok dirty, knowing his mother would scold him anyway.

Only after the sun had already set and the moon had appeared in the sky the door of the house was opened. Yuchan didn’t notice, as he had fallen asleep with his head down in the same position he had sat down and Hun pitied the poor boy for having stayed outside during most of the day. He went to him, shaking his shoulder lightly to wake him. Yuchan seemed a bit lost while waking up but his eyes got focused when they met the man’s ones.

“Donghun hyung…” He started saying and Hun smiled at him.

“He is okay, Yuchan. He is resting now.” The farmer announced, relieved. “You should go home. Your parents must be worried about you.”

“But I want to see hyung…” The boy whined, making the man chuckle.

“Maybe tomorrow, child. Donghun is still sick, but he will get better. His mother is taking care of him.” Hun assured and Yuchan nodded, even though he wanted to insist.

The boy went back home and for the next three days, the same scene repeated itself. He would stay outside Donghun's house, waiting from morning to sunset. The couple took pity on him and fed the boy during the day, giving him updates about his friend’s health. Only on the fourth day Yuchan was invited inside and found Donghun with his mother, still looking pale but better.

“It’s true you stayed outside for three days?” It was the first thing the older boy told him and Yuchan nodded, making his expression become annoyed. “Why would you do that? It was stupid.” Donghun scolded him, harshly.

“I was worried, hyung.” Yuchan gave back in the same tone and the older rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine, Channie. There’s no need to worry.”

“Of course there is…” The younger said back, annoyed. “I have never seen you so sick before, hyung.” He came closer to Donghun and sat in front of him. “You looked like you could die at any moment.” Yuchan lowered his voice, still scared of losing his friend and the tone made the older soften a bit.

“He wouldn’t have died, Yuchan.” Hye intervened, bringing both boys’ attention to her. “But I still don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t found Donghun that day, child.” She then bowed to the younger boy, who didn’t know what to do, completely flustered by receiving a bow from an adult. The shaman, then, raised her body and turned seriously to Yuchan. “Now that you’ve seen that Donghun is recovering, you should go home and stop spending your days in our yard.”

“But…” The boy protested. “What happened to him? Is he being punished by the spirits?”

“That’s something you shouldn’t worry yourself about, Kang Yuchan,” Hye said, harshly and her son turned to her, a pleading look on his eyes, to which she complied to. “But no. He isn’t being punished. He is…” The shaman turned to her son and gulped, a sudden wave of emotion coming over her. “He is fulfilling his duty as a shaman.” Yuchan’s eyes widened in surprise and turned to Donghun, who gave him a small strained smile. He was very curious and wanted to ask a thousand questions, but knew it wasn’t his place to meddle.

“Don’t worry, Channie.” The older boy said, softly. “When I’m strong enough, I can come out to play with you, okay?” He gave Yuchan a hopeful look, petting his hair and the boy nodded, sharing the look. The boy left the house just a few minutes after, knowing things wouldn’t be the same anymore.

During the next six years, Donghun fulfilled his duty as a new shaman perfectly. He would accompany his mother almost anywhere she went, to learn and practice as much as he could. After his encounter with the deity and the beginning of his sinbyeong, Hye had made sure her son understood what was happening to him and how much it would influence his life. The boy, who had grown into a handsome and strong young man, had become respected by the whole village by showing the same care and servitude his mother had to the community, both in the practical and spiritual ways. He still met with Yuchan every night, to talk and walk around, neither interested in running around and hiding in the mountain anymore.

The younger boy had grown too, reaching Donghun height quickly, but maintaining the round face and happy smile. He had started to farm with his father and developed a taste for singing, which the young shaman started to adore with time. Sometimes they would just sit by the fence that separated their houses and Yuchan would sing for Donghun under the stars. It had become one of his favorite things in the world.

Those weren’t, however, the only changes that had happened during that time. After the naerim-gut his mother had performed for him when they had come down the mountain, marking his official initiation as a shaman, it became common for Donghun to experiment some dizziness from time to time and his appetite became almost non-existent. He ate for survival, basically. But, for the young man, that wasn’t the worst. The nightmares and sudden visions were horrible and with time, he and his mother had understood that Donghun’s sinbyeong was different than most. Hye’s own experience had been mostly peaceful and hadn’t lasted as long as her son’s. All the guts she could perform only brought a short relief to Donghun and the only thing she could say to him was to accept the bond that the deity had created with him.

And there was also the drawing that had appeared on the boy’s neck. It was a delicate purple butterfly and Hye feared it as much as she feared Donghun’s friendship with Yuchan. She had nothing against their young neighbor and appreciated the smile the boy could bring to her son. But she still remembered the strange conceiving dream she had about Yuchan, with colorful butterflies and a path of suffering for both the farmer boy and her son. The butterfly was also the only thing that Yuchan had dared ask Donghun about, but the young shaman could only repeat what his mother had told him. It was the mark of the deity.

Just after his twenty birthday, the young shaman went through a particularly bad episode of hallucinations. It had started while he was out with Yuchan at midnight, walking around the village. He kept seeing the woman he had seen in the mountain, turning around at corners and vanishing. Her path left butterflies behind and when the two young men were crossing the bridge over the river, Donghun felt like he was choking. He grabbed a handful of Yuchan’s sleeve and the younger got scared. The shaman let go of his friend and propped himself over the short wall of the bridge, coughing like his lungs were coming out. Only when the other gave him a few taps on the back, Donghun coughed one last time, making colorful butterflies come out of his mouth and Yuchan's panicked face was the last thing he saw before passing out.

The young shaman woke in his bedroom, two days later, completely exhausted. Even though he wasn’t conscious of the outside world, he hadn’t had a second of rest during that time having lucid dreams of butterflies and people he had never seen before, living in places far far away. It took him a few more days to recover completely, this time with both his mother and Yuchan taking care of him. It had become common for the young farmer to be by his side every time he had fallen ill and Hye had accepted that nothing she could do would prevent their path of suffering.

On the first night Donghun managed to eat after the episode, his mother left him and Yuchan alone in his bedroom. The younger snuggled to the other, both happy to share each other’s warmth on a late winter night. They stayed like that for a while and Yuchan’s breathing seemed to even out as he fell asleep. A soft smile appeared on Donghun’s lips while he observed the younger’s face being lightened up just by the moonlight. But the smile faltered as he kept staring at the face precariously laid on his shoulder. The shaman noticed how much Yucahn had grown, how his round and childlike face had become sharp and strong, with plush lips and evened out eyes. Donghun’s heart picked up on his chest and a sudden desire to kiss the younger took over him. He had never felt like that before and he tensed up, scared and guilty.

The moment was broken by his mother coming back to his bedroom and sighing after seeing Yuchan sleeping. She went to the young farmer and shook him a few times calling his name, who blinked a few times before finally waking up.

“This isn’t your house for you to fall asleep in, Kang Yuchan.” Hye scolded him and the young man only gave her his characteristic embarrassed smile. He got up and left, waving a small bye to Donghun, who had been paralyzed throughout the whole exchange.

“We should talk in the morning, Donghun…” She commented and after not receiving recognition from the young man, she sighed and left him to his own devices.

The two shamans had an early call the next morning to assist a merchant who had been haunted by a ghost during the night. They easily found the source of sorrow on an old teapot the merchant had recently bought and purified its energy. The man was very grateful and offered them a lot of gold, but they only took what was right as payment and left. During the way home, Donghun seemed pensive and Hye knew this would be the best time to talk to him.

“Son…” She called softly and the young man only hummed in recognition. “I don’t know what more I can do to help you.”

“You are doing enough, mom.” He assured her, smiling and that broke her heart. Seeing her son suffering as much as he had was her great source of pain and not being able to help him was her shame.

“You know what I mean, Donghun.” She said, heartbroken. “I performed all the guts I could and guide you through every single ritual I knew, but your sinbyeong is only getting worse. You spent a whole day murmuring names of places far away and coughing blood. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Then there’s nothing else to be done.” The young shaman affirmed, with finality in his words and her mother sighed.

“Of course, there is.” Hye got closer to her son and made him stop and look at him. “You are an incredible person and so strong for going through this in such a dutiful way. You deserve to find your peace, Donghun.” He turned his face around, not wanting for his mother to see his tears, and said nothing in return, knowing what she meant. “Think about it, okay?” Donghun nodded and they went home, both lost in thought.

As the months passed by, Hye continued to insist with her son that he should leave their village and find another shaman who could help him accept the deity’s bond completely. Donghun however, hesitated every time the subject was brought up, slowly understanding why he didn’t want to leave. He knew it would be for the best, that his time in the village had ended for now, but he couldn’t leave Yuchan. Not after finally becoming aware of how much he loved the younger and how much the younger seemed to love him back.

It wasn’t something expressed in words, but he knew that their bond and care for each other ran deeper than friendship. He knew Yuchan balanced him perfectly. The young farmer adored him since they were children and he always had been protective of him. Donghun just couldn’t leave this behind. Still, he knew he should.

The decision was announced to his parents suddenly and the preparations for his journey, while small, were made carefully. Donghun dreaded the day he had to leave and only brought himself to tell Yuchan the night before. He called the farmer when the moon was already high in the sky and brought him into the bottom of the mountain.

“Channie, I’m leaving tomorrow.” The young shaman said with tears in his eyes, but the younger didn’t seem fazed by his words, looking a lot more peacefully than Donghun felt.

“I know…” Yuchan whispered, bringing his body closer to Donghun’s. “You have been spending more and more time with me in the last month like you wouldn’t see me anymore.”

“I’m sorry…” The older dropped his head, crying and ashamed.

“Don’t be…” His voice was loving, and the farmer raised the shaman’s head carefully, so they could look at each other’s eyes. “You need to get better, hyung, and I can wait for you.” Yuchan gave him a soft smile, making the older nod. The younger, then, hugged him tightly, conveying how much he would miss him and Donghun did the same.

“Can I?” Yuchan said suddenly, putting a bit of space between them. “Can I kiss you just once before you leave?” The request was made in the same loving voice and Donghun knew he would never be able to refuse anything for the younger. Just like he had never been able before. So he just nodded and their lips met, lightly. It didn’t go further than that, just a brush of new life and love for each other under the stars.

The next morning, Donghun left the village with the sun rising, leaving his family and his love behind, completely unaware of the lucid dreams Yuchan had that night and the red butterfly that had appeared on his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,  
> I swear this was supposed to be another one-shot in the series but it just too big to be one.  
> Anyway, for everybody who had been reading it, this story was referenced in chapter 15 of part 3 of the series, [Of deadlines and soulmates](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25941553/chapters/63056290).  
> I tried my best to research shamanism in medieval and modern Korean for this fic and I'm really hoping I didn't do anything to offend or hurt anyone. But if I did, please don't hesitate in telling me.  
> Any comment, kudos, or interaction is deeply appreciated.  
> And see you next week.
> 
> I'm lowkey reclusive in social media, but you can find me at [@lookspatricia](https://twitter.com/lookspatricia) and [lookslikepatricia](https://lookslikepatricia.tumblr.com/).


	2. Byeongkwan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing his journey, Donghun gets to a fishermen town and meets a cute and sensual boy who sells musical instrumentals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for reading the first chapter and here's the second one. Enjoy it!

Donghun traveled around the country for two months before finding another shaman. He had gone through a few villages and cities, only meeting healers and monks in the way. They still tried to help him, but the young man’s problem was beyond their knowledge. Still, he didn’t feel discouraged, as he could use his gift to settle grudges and sorrows between humans and spirits here and there. It also allowed him to find places to sleep and meals to eat. Donghun didn’t dare take money from the people he helped, only letting people invite him to stay at night in their houses as retribution for his services.

By the middle of spring, he arrived at a fishing town by the sea. The day was bleeding out by the time he crossed the beach and the young shaman watched the boats coming back after a day of work in the ocean. It brought him a bit of peace as the sea breeze messed his now growing hair.  After a while, Donghun walked away and into the town, looking for an inn to stay the night. The streets were still buzzing and the market was full of people coming and going. He decided to go there, so he could ask for information, and saw various stands selling all kinds of objects. A few sold food, both from farmers around the town and also the most varied fried treats made by the townspeople. Most stands, however, were run by the craftsmen of the region. They had toys of all kinds, tools, and ornaments, but just one stand caught his eyes promptly. It sold musical instruments of all sorts, including flutes, harps, and drums, and he felt a squeeze on his heart. Yuchan would have loved all of them and begged him to buy one for him. A sad smile appeared on his face and before the tears fell, he turned to leave.

“Hey, you don’t want to give a closer look at that flute?” A voice said suddenly, and Donghun saw a man around his age coming around the stand. He was shorter than him, with delicate features, full lips, and snub nose. His eyes and hair were lighter than most, almost the color of pine nuts.

“I don’t know how to play it…” The young shaman admitted, trying to hide the wave of emotion he was still feeling.

“Well, I can teach you.” The seller offered, smiling. It was a cute one, kind of shy, and it warmed Donghun's heart.

“Not sure if I should…” He said, hesitant, not sure why he felt inclined to accept that offer. The other man smiled again, nodding.

“Well, I’m here every day and hour, for the rest of my life, so…” There was a hint of resignation on his voice, but he still sounded sincere in his offer. “You can just come over.” Donghun smiled, nodding, and turned around to leave again, but the seller rushed behind him. “Are you new around here?” He asked, anxious like he didn’t want the stranger to leave. The young shaman raised an eyebrow to him and the other smiled, embarrassed. “Sorry, it’s just that nothing ever happens in this town and an outsider it’s as good news as we can get.” 

“I know what you mean…” Donghun laughed, warming up to the other man. “The village where I come from is so small that we only get visitors once a year.” The seller laughed, making a sound as cute as him.

“So you set out in the world after adventure?” The seller asked the young shaman, sitting again behind the stand. “Sorry to break it to you, but you won’t find any here.” His remark made Donghun laugh again.

“Actually, I’m looking for a shaman…” He said, after calming down a bit, making the other man raise his eyes to him. “And a place to stay for the night.”

“A shaman, huh?” The other man said, scratching his chin. “Well, you’re lucky. The only shaman in the region leaves just outside the town, around that forest.” He said, pointing in the direction of a sea of trees between two hills at the opposite side of the beach. “But I wouldn’t go there to ask for a place to sleep. Han ajeossi isn’t the most friendly guy out there.” The seller got up again, studying Donghun from head to toe. “But you could stay with me for a few nights...” There was a suggestive tone in the man’s voice that the shaman didn’t know how to interpret.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t…” Donghun excused, raising both hands in front of his body. “I don’t want to intrude.” His reaction made the seller laugh and lean against the stand.

“Well, if you don’t want to take my offer, there’s an inn a few streets down.” He smiled and pointed in the direction the shaman needed to go.

“Oh, thank you so much…” Donghun bowed to the seller and started to walk away. But the interaction he had with that young man made him curious, so he stopped and went back. “I’m Lee Donghun, by the way.” He introduced himself, very aware that the seller had observed all his steps.

“Kim Byeongkwan…” The other said and bowed, smiling cutely after and the young shaman left, waving.

Donghun found the inn easily and paid his stay for the night, happy he hadn’t spent as much as he had separated before leaving home. In his room, he observed the night sky through the window, thinking about Yuchan. It was something he did every night, imagining how the younger would have reacted if he had been there, by his side, during the day. How he would have taken the cities he had gone or the new landscaped he saw every day. How he would have talked with the people he talked to and how he would have commented on everything with him, even though Donghun would be there. Those thoughts made the young shaman miss the younger even more than before, heart aching. To avoid that, he started to think of how he would tell Yuchan what had happened during his trip after going back home. Because, even if the younger had already moved on with his life without him, Yuchan would always be someone special for him. Even if he had found someone else to love, Donghun still wanted to have him in his life.

The next day, the young shaman left the inn early and followed the streets of the town until he reached the forest. The old lady who ran the inn had given him more accurate directions to the shaman’s house and gave him a few bottles to take to the man since he hadn’t gone there that week to fetch them. Donghun went around the edge of the forest to the base of one of the hills and saw the house he was looking for rather quickly. A man, a bit older than his father, was sitting outside the big but humble house, working on some wood. As he got closer, the man stopped what he was doing and observed his every step until Donghun reached him.

“Lee Donghun, I suppose?” The man asked, non-chantilly. “I’ve been warned you were coming to meet me.” He got up and started to walk towards the house, making a signal for the younger man to follow him. They entered the house and the man made Donghun sit in the living room, while he prepared tea for them. The room had all sorts of sculptures in wood and divination instruments, reminding the young shaman of his own home.

“How long have you known I was coming?” Donghun asked as soon as the man came back and served them the warm drink.

“A few weeks, maybe.” The man drank from his cup and sighed. “But, for me to help you, you should learn my ways of work.”

“Isn’t that…” The young shaman hesitated, under the attentive look the man was giving him. “Bad?” The shaman laughed, sounding like a dog howling to the moon.

“I guess, it is, child.” The way he said that made Donghun remember how his mother called anyone younger than her child and again his heart ached. “But it is my condition. You see, I have no wife or children to pass my knowledge to them and this region has been accepting new philosophies from the west, making our line of work rot to the ground. I can’t pass an opportunity like this.”

“I see…” Donghun said, drinking a bit of his tea while thinking. It wasn’t what his mother told him to do, but this man had been the first shaman he had found and he couldn’t pass this opportunity either. “I accept.”

Han, how the man introduced himself later, took Donghun in for the necessary time. While the young shaman learned from him, he observed how bad his sinbyeong was, becoming aware very quickly the young man suffered as much as he was hardworking. There were days where Donghun couldn’t keep himself up properly but still accompanied him diligently on every duty or lesson necessary. Han could also sense the weird lucid dreams the young shaman had, getting more and more worried about the situation.

“Is it always that bad?” The shaman asked the young man after a rough night when Donghun had convulsions during most of it and Han had to improvise a gut to stabilize him. The younger denied with his head, not having the force to speak. None of them commented about the episode and Donghun insisted on going with him into the forest that day to pick herbs. From the moment on, however, Han took even more pity on the younger and became a bit more affectionate with him, even allowing him to take a night off the training at the town.

Donghun only had gone there in the first weeks he stayed with the shaman to run errands or with Han to attend any calls they had. He hadn’t seen Byeongkwan since the day he arrived, but there he was, sitting behind the stand like he said he would. The young shaman had decided he wanted to buy an ornamented flute for Yuchan and after his purchase, every time Han gave him a day off, he would go and spend it with the seller.

With time, he found that Byeongkwan was three years younger than him and came from a family of fishermen and craftswomen. The instruments he sold were made by his mother and sisters, and he, not being that fond of the ocean, was allowed to run the stand from the moment he was old enough to have a say in it. Still, he disliked life in the small coastal town where nothing ever happened and dreamed of seeing the world. The younger man was also very fond of music and dancing and took a few of their nights together to teach Donghun both. The shaman wasn’t as talented with his body as Byeongkwan, who would always hypnotize him with his fluid and sensual movements, but found out he had a particularly nice and powerful voice for singing.

That discovery made the younger even more fond of Donghun and he started to go every day to Han’s house to see him after closing down the stand at the market. The older shaman disapproved of it, very aware of the younger’s intentions, but he couldn’t deny his apprentice. Especially because since he had started to meet with the younger seller, his episodes had mildened down.

Very soon, Byeongkwan managed to find a way into Donghun’s heart. He hadn’t and would never take Yuchan out of it, but he could separate a part of it for the young seller. Their dates at the edge of the forest during the twilight started to go from nice and quiet walks to desperate hands and mouths. Kissing those full lips made the young shaman burn inside and the taste of Byeongkwan’s tongue was sweeter than anything else he had experimented before, leaving him always wanting more.

It had been so different than with Yuchan. The young seller was physical and sensual, but also cute and kind, while Yuchan was warm, innocent, and joyful. Still, the feeling was the same and Donghun couldn’t understand how he had fallen in love with Byeonghwan while still loving his childhood friend. 

“You disapprove of him, don’t you?” Donghun asked Han one night, after coming back from his date with Byeongkwan. The older shaman was sitting by the fire, cooking.

“Is not a matter of disapproval, Donghun.” The man sighed, turning to him. The lights and shadows around his face made the scene frightening. “I’m worried about what he is going to bring you.” Han, then, turned around again, not daring to face the younger and whispered. “And what you are going to bring him.”

After that night, Han decided to warn the younger about the recurring dream he was having. A woman, very tall, barefoot, and wearing a red and blue handbook found the two young men in the forest and wrapped them in butterflies, making them disappear. The older shaman would always wake up from that dream covered in sweat and anxiety, knowing soon or later that it would become Donghun’s reality. The younger shaman, however, seemed so happy after meeting the seller, that Han didn’t want to break their little happy bubble. And then, it became too late.

On a particularly clear and warm night, the two young men entered the forest and only stopped at a spot where they would be completely covered by the trees. They lay down on top of each other, kissing breathlessly. When Donghun gasped for air, his eyes met Byongkwan’s ones, being totally taken by desire. He kissed the younger again and carefully reached for the shirt of his hanbok. The seller stopped him, only to look again at the shaman’s eyes in search of confirmation. When he found it, he let Donghun undress him and did the same to him. Their hands touched parts of each other they hadn’t before and their moths tasted the skin of places they only had imagined before. And for the first time in his life, Donghun could experience the sensation of becoming part of someone else.

The young shaman went back to Han’s house afterward feeling complete. It was a sensation he hadn’t felt since he left Yuchan back at their village and thinking about the younger now didn’t make his heartache in longing. He knew the younger lived inside his heart as much as Byeongkwan lived under his skin now. But, as soon as he lay down to sleep, the lucid dreams started and didn’t stop. Butterflies flew from the ceiling to the floor of his room and soon there were so many of them that the shaman felt like he was choking for air. He started to scream in fear and Han found him struggling against something invisible. The older shaman managed, with a lot of force, to immobilize Donghun and felt his body burning in fever.

Han stayed by the younger’s side for two nights and three days, nurturing him back to health. He had never seen an episode of sinbyeong so serious and admitted to himself that Donghun’s case was beyond anything he could do. The boy had to leave the town as soon as possible so he could find someone who could actually help him. When the young man managed to get by a bit by himself, Han left the house to attend an urgent call he had been ignoring to take care of his apprentice. He came back when the day was already coming to its end and didn’t answer any of the younger’s questions about the case. He didn’t have the heart to do that.

“You should leave, Donghun,” Han said, instead. “As soon as you feel good enough, you should leave and not come back.”

“Why?” The younger shaman asked, confused.

“It’s for the best.” He said, and then sighed. “I can’t help you. I thought I could, but only an older and wiser shaman can.” Han turned to him, a dark look in his eyes. “Or the deity that made this to you. But I advise you to only do this as a last resource.” The man looked like he could cry at any moment, so Donghun decided to not press him for more explanations.

“What about Byeongkwan?” A noticeable shiver went through Han’s body when he heard the name.

“It’s going to be better for the two of you if you leave, child.” The older shaman said affectionately, but both his tone and expression were dark.

Donghun didn’t understand but still did what Han told him. For the next week, he forced himself to eat better and get ready to leave. The older shaman left the house very early every day and came back late at night, looking distressed but still not saying anything to Donghun. He also had forbidden the younger to go back to town or to look for Byeongkwan’s house, knowing that every night he waited for the younger seller to say goodbye. But the younger boy wasn’t coming and Han couldn’t bring himself to tell Donghun why.

The young shaman left the fishermen's town with a sinking heart for not seeing his lover one last time, not knowing of the horrible fever Byeongkwan had been suffering for a week or about the yellow butterfly that had appeared on his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to the place I ramble about stuff and thank you, guys.  
> I'm very touched by the reception this fic had had until now. Every comment warmed my heart.  
> As some of you may have noticed, I changed the rating because, well... The last chapter came out a bit more racy than the others. Very soon you will see why.  
> Anyway, I don't want to be annoying, but I'm seriously very grateful for anyone who takes a bit of their time to read this story, so thank you. It's an idea I had as soon as the Favorite Boys MV came out and I had almost no work into fitting into the universe of this series.  
> Any interaction is deeply appreciated.  
> See you next week.
> 
> I'm lowkey reclusive in social media, but you can find me at [@lookspatricia](https://twitter.com/lookspatricia) and [lookslikepatricia](https://lookslikepatricia.tumblr.com/).


	3. Junhee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding the kingdom's capital, Donghun ends up serving a clumsy and gentle young nobleman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the biggest chapter on the fic, full of Dongjun's shenanigans. Enjoy!

The few weeks after he left the fishermen's town were a few of the worst of Donghun’s life. There wasn’t a day he didn't feel dizzy or had vivid hallucinations. When he managed to reach a village or city, it was only to be taken to the closest shaman or doctor, but they couldn’t help him beyond making his body stronger to go to the next place to look for help. It broke his spirit, making him feel desperate and helpless, and with time he became bitter and depressed.  He also felt guilty by yet again leaving part of his heart behind. He had left twice with little to no explanation and when his body or mind didn’t betray him, his heart did, making him feel horrible about himself too.

And it was like this that Donghun reached the kingdom’s capital. The city was the biggest he had ever seen and it overwhelmed him. How could anyone find themselves there, with all that noise? He didn’t know but still went after the first inn he could find since he had started to feel dizzy as soon as he set foot in the city.  The young shaman found the main market in town after going a few more streets, now knowing that most businesses in a city were stuck together. But the market was so full of people that a sensation of suffocation started to accompany nausea and he scored himself anywhere he could while his vision blackened. He woke up a few hours later inside a stable, still feeling sick. He was laying down on dry hay and a young man came to him, dressed in a dark hanbok that could fit two of him when he whined from pain.

Not soon after, he was grabbed by two strong men and taken into a long and luxurious hall, ornamented with beautiful paintings and jade objects. The floor under him was made of noble wood and his guards pushed him into a bowing position from the moment he was inside the room. Donghun couldn’t see, being only able to hear the light steps passing through him. Only after a few minutes he was allowed to look up and saw an old man sitting down on an ornamented wooden chair over a podium. Besides him there was a younger man around his age standing straight.

“Is this the excuse of a man who scored himself on your gama?” The man sitting asked the other, looking bored out of his mind.

“Yes, abeoji.” The older man got up and walked slowly towards Donghun, examining him. He walked around him a few times, but the young shaman didn’t feel intimidated by it. He wasn’t used to dealing with nobles, having lived most of his life in the countryside, and all that luxury, from the room he was being forced to kneel down into and the people wearing fancy hanboks, only made him angry. He had seen people starve and still share their food with their neighbors all his life. People being sick and taking care of other people with little to no resources. And there they were, those people, trying to pretend they were superior to him with fancy fabrics and jewelry. A pinch of hatred grew and his stomach and he looked straight into the younger man’s face while still being examined by the older.

It looked like he was going to warn his father about Donghun’s new offence, but the anger the young shaman was portraying wasn't his own and it scared the young nobleman. His father, however, hadn’t noticed and went back to his seat, thinking about what to do with the peasant. He looked strong enough to work as a farmer, but his face was pale and sad like he had been suffering from a great disease. His offense also had been that great and he looked simple enough to have committed it for not knowing better.

While the noble thought, the young shaman’s rage only grew inside of him, getting to a level that he knew it came from somewhere else. That sensation scared him so much that nausea came back with full force, while he lowered his eyes to the floor forcing himself to not throw up right there. The young nobleman breathed relieved from not being under such a hateful stare, but the feeling went away very quickly because the peasant had become very pale suddenly, looking he was going to faint again. Worried, he turned to his father, who also had noticed Donghun’s sudden sickness and made up his mind. Knowing the peasant was in no condition to hear his sentence, he ordered the guards to take him to the servant’s quarters to rest since there would be his new home for the next year.

The young shaman woke up later that night, completely disoriented. He was on a mat on the floor in a small room, completely alone. The only source of light inside was the moonlight coming from a small window over his head and Donghun felt as dark as the room around him. Still weak and nauseated, he forced himself to sit on the mat, only being able to see the small bundle of his belongings in a corner of the room.

Not knowing where he was and with just a faint memory of what had happened that afternoon, Donghun debated if it was better trying to get up to figure out where he was and risking collapsing again or stay put until someone came to him, probably in the morning. While he thought, however, a door was opened in front of him, and the same young man dressed in a huge dark hanbok he had seen earlier that day appeared, carrying a small yellow lantern and a tray of food.

“Oh, you’re awake.” The man said, smiling relieved. His voice was a bit lower than he had expected but still matched his strong features, even though his expression betrayed his young age. He put the lantern on a hook in the ceiling and the tray on the floor close to Donghun, just sitting in front of his mat.

The man looked at the young shaman expectingly, just like a child would, making him remember Yuchan. Intimidated and suspicious of the stranger, Donghun didn’t move and the other man started to look more and more confused as the minutes passed.

“Are you not hungry? You look like you haven’t eaten for the whole day.” There was a note of worry on his voice and the young shaman decided that even if he didn’t trust this stranger, he should show his gratitude to his apparent worry by at least trying to eat a bit of the food that was served. So he got the tray and started to force the food down while observing the bright but somewhat foolish smile the other man was giving him now.

The man then got up and left, leaving the door open behind him and Donghun could see that the room he opened to a wall and long corridor. He ate a bit more, admitting to himself that the food tasted good even though his upset stomach seemed to reject it. After having eaten just half of the meal, the shaman sat the tray aside just in time to see the man coming back carrying two sets of clothes in the same dark color he was wearing. He put it beside Donghun’s bundle and sat in the same spot as before.

“What’s your name?” He asked, sounding excited again.

“Lee Donghun…” The young shaman answered, vaguely.

“Ah, Donghun-ssi. It’s very nice meeting you. I’m Shim Jaeyoung.” The man bowed slightly and Donghun did the same. “Are you sure you don’t want to eat more?” He had seen the unfinished meal and asked, confused.

“I usually don’t eat so much…” Donghun admitted, starting to relax in the situation since Jaeyoung seemed quite nice.

“Hmm, that can be a problem…” He scratched his chin like the young shaman had seen old men in his village do so many times, and a tiny smile appeared in his lips. “Even though work here is not as hard as it is on a farm, you still gonna need all of your strength to do it.” Jaeyoung seemed serious about what he was saying and it confused Donghun as much as it amused him. It was obvious that the young man was trying to act as he was older and more mature than he actually was. “But you are going to attend Young Master Junhee, so I guess you wouldn’t need to be as strong as someone who had to clean the stables.” He finished saying, laughing a bit.

“Attend to Young Master Junhee?” Donghun asked, suspicious again and Jaeyoung nodded enthusiastically.

“You are going to clean his chambers, serve his food or whatever he wants, be at his side unless he dismisses you and all of that,” Jaeyoung said like it was obvious.

“Why?” The shaman asked, starting to feel the same anger that had made him pass out earlier.

“You are his personal servant now.” Again, the young man said what he was saying was the most obvious thing in the world but all of those words sounded so foreign to Donghun that his head started to spin. Jaeyoung noticed his confused and angry expression. “It’s your punishment, Donghun-ssi.” He said, a bit more carefully this time.

“Punishment? For what? Collapsing in the middle of the street?” The shaman raised his voice and the other became agitated, making a signal for him to lower his voice. Donghun closed off his expression but breathed deep a few times. He knew the young man in front of him had nothing to do with his situation.

“From what I heard, you scored yourself over Young Master Junhee’s parked gama before passing out. That usually gets you a year on a farm, but we have been missing a servant for a month now…” Jaeyoung’s tone became darker, but he didn’t dare to continue, even though Donghun could imagine the end of that sentence. “I’ve been attending to him while still doing all the work I already had before. So I can show you how to do the work.” He smiled again to the shaman, who only nodded back.

“So I need to stay here for a whole year? Babysitting Young Master Junhee?” The other nodded, trying not to giggle and Donghun decided to sympathize with him. If he was going to be stuck serving a stuck up noble family for a year, having a friend would maybe make things less dark for him.

After Jaeyoung explained a bit more about the Park family and their state, he left taking back the tray with food to let Donghun rest for the next day. He would have to get up at sunrise to accompany the other while he showed him how to prepare everything for when the Young Master woke up.

And that was exactly what the young shaman did. For a whole week, he was stuck to Jaeyoung’s side while he cleaned after a spoiled young man who wouldn’t even look at Donghun when he was present. Still, the other servant seemed fond of the noble and Park Junhee treated him better than what the shaman usually heard about the mistreatment household servants went through, more like a friend who was obligated to do things for him than an actual slave.

Being from a tiny village in the countryside, most of his neighbours were somehow free from their ties to the noble family of the region. Some paid taxes for the land they farmed in or from the crafts they produced, and he had met just a handful of their direct servants. Stories, however, went around the land and some of them had always made Donghun furious, even as a young child.

By the end of that week, Jaeyoung had become the young shaman’s first and probably only friend in the capital. He was just two years younger than Donghun but, by being in the Park state longer, he felt responsible for the older. Still, he deemed the shaman trained enough to serve Young Master Junhee by himself after that short time.

Donghun dreaded the day he had to start babysitting the noble alone, especially because he was the reason he had become a servant in the first place, but the noble continued his mostly cold façade to him, still not looking at him, even when he had to call Donghun. For the young shaman, his treatment didn’t matter, as he couldn’t care less if the other liked him or not, but Jaeyoung couldn’t understand his behavior.

“I don’t get it, hyung. Young Master Junhee has never treated anyone like this before.” The other servant told him one night, a month after Donghun had started working at the state. They were eating in the kitchen with the other male servants, who were five in total counting with them. All of them had opened up already to the young shaman, pitying him for working hard with such a sad and sick expression on his face.

“He is a very sweet and clumsy boy…” One of the older servants commented. “He is going to warm up to you in time.” Donghun only nodded in response, thinking about how many times he had to clean Junhee’s table after the young noble had dropped tea over it. It was too many if someone asked him.

Still, being a servant wasn’t as bad as the young shaman had imagined. Yes, the Park family was strict in behavior and decorum, but they treated other people as justly as a noble family could. And Junhee didn’t seem like an exception to that. He did treat every other servant in the house with respect, especially the older ones that have been serving his family since he was a child. He was also caring to his mother and soft with his younger sister.

And the constant influx of work Donghun had, in a way, helped him to stabilize himself. He finally had recovered a bit of his normal strength by the constant meals and rest he had, and even nausea that had been accompanying him for years had diminished.

“Donghun-ssi…” Junhee called him while he was studying in the state’s private library. It was already the third month since the young shaman had become his servant and now the nobleman could at least look at him without having to turn around suddenly. Apparently the rumor that he was scared of Donghun had reached his father’s ears and he had been scolded by being afraid of such a nice and hard-working servant. “Fetch me the…” The shaman came closer to him, with the right book on his hands. Junhee looked from the book to Donghun, confused. “How did you know?”

“I had a feeling…” He answered, mysteriously, watching the other man visibly become paler. That had also become one of his favorites pastimes, after noticing how the young noble tensed up when he came closer. It is always funny seeing Junhee breaking the façade of Young Master because Donghun freaked him out. The shaman then smirked discreetly and the noble got the book out of his hands, buffing and annoyed. His smirk grew and he turned around to go back to organizing the library before the other could scold him for that.

“But seriously…” Junhee said, after a few minutes of silence, when only the sound of pages being turned was heard. “How did you know?”

“You read that book every day.” He answered, still working with the books. The other hummed, satisfied and they didn’t say anything else for the rest of the afternoon.

Those were Donghun's favorite times in the state. He liked the quiet inside of the small room filled with books that he couldn’t read. For some reason, that place calmed him down and would make him feel like he was home. Like he was made from the same spiritual material of the words written around him.

He also liked that there was the only place where Junhee would be quiet for a long period of time. The boy really liked talking and always sought company to blabber about any subject he could think of. So, when he wasn’t in the library or the academy studying for the civil service examinations, he would be in the market talking with friends or filling his mother or younger sister with stories or topics. Everyone, however, seemed very happy to be on the listening side of Junhee’s conversations, including the other servants, like hearing him was some kind of privilege. The only people who the young noble didn’t dare to do that was his father and Donghun.

Still, he sometimes responded well to the shaman’s bickering words and, after a few more months, that had become the main form of communication between them when they were alone.

“Can I pass one day without picking up dropped cups of tea, Young Master Junhee?” Donghun said one day, after coming back from the city’s market to pick the new brushes the noble had ordered. He put the packet close to the other man and went to clean over the table where the hot liquid was still dripping down the floor.

“Well, that’s your job, isn’t it?” The young noble retorted, hiding his smirk in the book he was reading. Donghun only sighed in response, even though it was obvious he was exaggerating it, while he cleaned the mess, and then went over to the kitchen to fetch more tea. When he came back to the Junhee’s room, he felt the other watching him as he served the tea.

“What?” The question came out before he could stop and a second of silence happened where he tensed up. It wasn’t news to anyone that Donghun was somewhat lacking in the subservient servant department and, to everybody’s surprise neither Junhee nor his father cared much about it. But he had never talked so informally to his master before.

“Nothing…” Junhee said, vaguely and the shaman turned around. He didn’t seem mad or annoyed. Just curious.

Another week passed and for most observers, nothing had changed between Junhee and Donghun. The servant was always by his side, attending to his every need and desire with a teasing comment between his teeth and the master retorting in the same way. But the young shaman noticed how much the nobleman had started to stare at him while he thought Donghun wasn’t noticing. And when he would turn around to ask him what was wrong, he was only met with a intrigued look and tight lips that didn’t dare to ask the questions it wanted.

“Young Master Junhee?” Donghun called one night when the young noble was sitting in the pavilion behind the library. The small structure opened up to a small forest and it was Junhee’s favorite place in the whole state. The shaman had just come from the kitchen with the makgeolli the other had asked him to pick and found the nobleman looking up at the night sky, lost in thought. He sat the tray down and called him again, but there was no response. As he was taught, the young shaman got up to retreat to another corner when the other turned to him.

“Donghun, can you drink with me tonight?” He asked, with a dreamy voice that matched his dreamy eyes. The servant only nodded, not trusting his voice to answer. He sat down with the noble, amazed. Like this, talking to him informally and looking so dazed, Junhee seemed like another person. The usual loud but restricted boy that Donghun had served for already half of a year seemed so beautiful and free under the moonlight that his heart ached like it hasn’t done in so long.

Junhee served them both and the young shaman’s heart ached again while taking the first sip of the drink. It ached because he had been so preoccupied with his new life as a servant and with all the work he had to do that he had forgotten his previous life. He had forgotten his shamanic duties and the sickness that accompanied them. He had forgotten about traveling around and seeing different people and places every day. He had forgotten the beauty he had found in the world, the same one he could see in Junhee’s eyes right now. He had forgotten the two boys that owned his heart.

“Donghun?” A small tear came out of his eye and the young noble didn’t know if he should comment or not. But the servant looked so vulnerable under the moonlight that he decided that he could afford Donghun being mad at him for meddling. “Are you alright?” He asked carefully and found himself under the other’s confused look.

“Are you?” The young shaman retorted, after cleaning the tear on his cheek. Junhee got surprised and neither of them said anything for a while, measuring the situation.

“I’m sorry, Young Mas…”

“You can call me just Junhee when we are alone.” The noble stated, drinking a shot of the drink.

“Are you sure?” Donghun asked, worried.

“I am…” The young noble said, meeting eyes with the other so he could show Donghun he meant it. “It’s obvious that you are not just a simple servant and, well, I want to understand why.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, confused. 

“I don’t know how to explain without sounding crazy…” Junhee answered after drinking a bit more.

“Try it.” The other said, not caring anymore about classes or their relationship as master and servant. At the moment, it was like he and Junhee were actual equals. The noble sighed and pouted and, for the first time since he had met the other, Donghun could admit to himself how cute Junhee actually was.

“I had a recurring dream when I was a child.” He started, staring at the shaman’s eyes. “It had an older boy in it and he took me in a pathway of butterflies to the sky. As I grew, the boy grew too, always being slightly older than me.” Junhee, then, breathed deeply. “And everytime I dreamed it, I would go around the house talking about colorful butterflies and the boy in the dream. At first, everyone just assumed I was very impressed by the dream, but as I grew and kept talking about it, my father started to disprove it. He blamed an older lady who served as my mother’s servant because she would tell me and Sooyoung old stories with spirits and other supernatural creatures.” He turned to the trees before continuing. “That ajumoni, before leaving, told me that the dream was actually my future and that I should be careful with it.”

“If it is your future, then, it was great advice.” Donghun said, knowing his mother would have said the same. Junhee smiled, still not looking back at him.

“Well, I don’t know if it is or not. I actually had forgotten about it until you appeared.” The young noble admitted. “From that age on, my father hired the most prestigious tutors in town to teach me real stuff about the world. He built the library because of it so that I could always have access to real information and knowledge.” Junhee sighed again before turning back to Donghun. “He obviously doesn’t know about the other kinds of books I’ve been collecting there.” A mischievous smile passed through his lips.

“And what kind of books are they?” The shaman asked, curious. It wasn’t a big surprise that Junhee was disobeying his father right under his nose. That was what he did, usually. He obeyed and did what was expected of him so that he could whatever he wanted disguised as being doing more than expected. Donghun had learned that earlier about Junhee when he noticed that certain topics and books the young noble studied were never mentioned in front of anyone else.

“They’re mostly fictional works and a few with old legends and myths.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “I just feel connected to them.” Donghun nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. Even if he couldn’t read, he felt the same way.

“What about your dream?” He asked after they drank a bit more, making Junhee smile.

“You are the boy in it, aren’t you?” The noble asked back, mysteriously, and chuckled by the shaman’s surprised expression. “I hadn’t dreamed that in years until the day you passed out over my gama. And from then on, I dream about it every night.”

“That’s why you were scared of me, in the beginning?” Donghun teased, making Junhee roll his eyes.

“I wasn’t scared…” The shaman laughed audibly and the other pouted.

“Really, Junhee? You couldn’t even look me in the eye.” He retorted, not noticing how easily the other’s name rolled out of his tongue.

“That was because of the look you gave me during the audience!” The noble protested and Donghun stopped laughing, getting confused. The only thing he remembered from the day was the anger that had overwhelmed him. “I’m serious. If you received such a hateful stare from anyone, you would be scared too!” Junhee noticed what he had just said and whined while seeing the smug smile that appeared on Donghun’s lips.

“See, I knew you were scared of me…” He said in a low tone and the other rolled his eyes again.

“Well, I’m not anymore.” Junhee declared, still making the shaman laugh. “And also I just figured out the boy in the dream was you a few nights ago.” He continued, more to change the subject than anything else. He already knew that Donghun wouldn’t be able to drop the new information in his hobby of teasing him daily.

“And how did you discover that?” The young shaman asked his expression still smug and in an amused tone.

“You turned around and called my name. You never had done that before.” He admitted, before blushing. Donghun didn’t comment on it, already satisfied with the teasing material he had acquired earlier. He did, however, asked about more details of the dream since Han had taught him to interpret them better than his mother had.

For the rest of the night, the two young men talked about the noble dream. It seemed quite straightforward to Donghun. The boy in dream, being him or not, was taking Junhee in a different direction than he was expected to go and he told that to the other. What he didn’t say, however, was how a simple servant would be able to say something like, but Junhee didn’t pressure him into saying either.

Later that night, he took an unconscious from drinking Junhee to his room, cleaned after themselves, and went back to his room, wondering about the dream his master had about him. What it could mean for himself.

A month passed, making it seem like Donghun and Junhee had been friends from birth. To the outside world, they were still the bickering master and servant everyone in the Park state had gotten accustomed to seeing. But when there wasn’t anyone else around, they would treat each other like they had done on the night in the pavilion. Without anyone else, they were equals and the only person who had noticed was Jaeyoung. However foolish he looked, the boy was a good observer. But he didn’t interfere in the friendship and both Donghun and Junhee felt grateful for that.

During that time, Junhee also asked permission from his father to teach Donghun how to read. At first Master Park denied his request, but the young noble told him he wanted to make the servant help him revise for the examinations that were coming up. Thinking that he was rewarding his son by his hard work, he allowed Junhee to teach the shaman if the lessons didn’t get in the way of the servants’ work. But it was obvious that the young noble intention was to share his forbidden books with Donghun.

They started to spend even more time in the library, where they would divide their time between Junhee studying, teaching Donghun, and reading old stories to him. It made both of them very happy, spending time together inside that little refuge where no one dared to bother them.

That habit, however, had coincidentally started at the same time the young shaman had started to feel weaker again. He wasn’t sure why, since his appetite had gone back to what it was before his encounter at the mountain and he was still resting well every night. But the truth was that he was becoming paler and paler as the days passed and nausea had come back with full force.

So, one day, when he was listening to Junhee’s melodic voice telling him about a monk trapping a mischievous deity with a crown, he started to feel heavier and hotter. As the words flew from the young noble’s mouth, he felt himself slide from the position he was sitting down until his eyes closed down and he collapsed to the floor. Junhee didn’t notice until he got to a part where he knew Donghun would make a bitter comment but the comment never came. He raised his eyes from the book and saw the servant laying down on the ground looking as pale as the first time he had seen him in the city's market. Worried, he got up and got closer to the other. His breathing was weak and he seemed to be shivering.

Junhee brought one of his hands to Donghun's forehead, which was burning under his touch. Desperate, he ran outside the library and only stopped after finding Jeayoung feeding the horses in the stables. The noble hurried the servant, tripping over his explanation. The boy followed the young master without understanding exactly what was happening and got very shocked by seeing the shaman passed out in the library.

Jaeyoung did the same as Junhee and, after noticing Donghun’s fever, got up and hid the book the noble had been reading, while screaming for help. Junhee didn’t understand why the boy was doing all of that but when two other servants appeared, he did.

“Young Master Junhee who found him?” One of them asked Jeayoung, who nodded, raising Donghun’s body with the help of the other one. “Well, it could have been worse. Like this, he won’t be beaten.” The man took the boy’s place of carrying the passed out shaman.

“Young Master…” Jaeyoung called, before leaving with the others. “If you care about Donghun hyung, please don’t say anything. We are going to take care of him for now.”

“But Jaeyoung…”

“If he doesn’t get better until tomorrow, we can go to Master Park and say he passed out while doing some other kind of service. It’s going to better for both of you.” Junhee nodded and stayed in the library, feeling his heart tighten inside his chest.

The young shaman woke up later that night, with Jaeyoung passing a cloth with cold water on his forehead. Noticing the older had woken up, he helped Donghun to sit down and drink a bit of water, but couldn’t make him eat anything. The mere sight of food would make him look like he was going to throw up.

“What about J… Young Master Junhee?” He asked the younger after he had laid down again.

“He’s been coming around secretly to ask about you,” Jaeyoung informed him. “He was very scared by your sudden sickness.” The boy, then, sighed. “This is bad, hyung. We can’t let what happened with Younghoon hyung happen with you too.” A shadow passed though his face.

“That was… Young Master’s Junhee old personal servant, wasn’t it?” The boy nodded. In the time Donghun had been in the state, he caught bits about what had happened to his predecessor.

“The Park family is one of the most caring families in the city in terms of treatment of their servants, but there are a few things that even they don’t see with good eyes.” Jaeyoung sighed again and sat beside Donghun’s mat a bit more comfortably. “Younghoon hyung is the same age as Young Master Junhee and they grew up together. His whole family have been serving the Park family for generations and Master Park’s mother presented his new wife with Younghoon hyung’s grandmother. They were treated even better than most of us until the grandmother was forced to leave.” Without saying a word, Donghun connected the dots on his head. “Still, Master Park gave her son a bit of land outside of the city so he could take care of his mother and only Younghoon stayed. He was already attached to the young master, it was only natural he would become his personal servant.” The boy then hugged his knees, looking at the distance. “With time, it became obvious to all the servants how close the two boys actually were. Some would even whisper that they loved each other. And, you know, that would be fine if Young Master Junhee had an older brother. But he doesn't and when his father found out…” Jeyoung gulped visibly. “I’ve never seen anyone so hurt like Younghoon hyung.”

“What happened to him?” Donghun asked, curious.

“He went to live with the rest of his family, farming for the Park family…” The servant let his voice die down and the older didn’t say anything else.

After Jaeyoung left that night, Donghun kept thinking about the story he had heard. He knew he couldn’t do the same to Junhee. He couldn’t let himself fall for the young master of the house or let him fall for him. But then, after all the lights had been turned off and the moon was high in the sky, Junhee appeared on his door and after whispering questions if he was alright, he molded himself to Donghun’s body in the mat and the shaman found out it was already too late for both of them.

Two more months passed by and Donghun had recovered most of his strength back. However, this time, nausea continued, accompanied by constant headaches. Still, the shaman never complained. The work was still heavy and plenty, and now he had to make a conscious effort to keep him and Junhee in check. Neither of them wanted to repeat the past, so they made none steps forward in their relationship. The longing they felt, however, was enormous and the few fleeting touches they allowed themselves to have only grew its weight over them.

Donghun had made sure Junhee wouldn’t come back to his room again after that night, so the young noble sometimes would pretend to be sick so that the servant could sleep in his room to take care of him. Still, the shaman didn’t lay with him and they spent most of those nights talking about anything they could.

On one of those nights, Junhee felt bold and touched Donghun's neck lightly. The parts where his fingers passed through felt like a path of fire under his skin. He turned around to the noble, taking in all of his beauty under the moonlight. The small but expressive eyes, the straight nose, strong jaw and chin, thin lips.

Everything he wanted that moment was to close down the small distance between them, but he knew he shouldn't. Donghun, then, fixed his look on Junhee’s eyes seeing the other going through the same struggle he was feeling. They stared at each other's eyes for a long time, finding the worlds they wanted to say to each other there. The noble, then, laid his head on the shaman’s shoulder.

“Even if you hadn’t turned to me in the dream, I should have known, shouldn’t I?” He asked, voice sleepy.

“Why?” Donghun replied, softly.

“The butterfly in your neck,” Junhee said, smiling slightly. It had been one of the first things he had noticed about Donghun but hadn’t had the courage to ask until now. Until he knew for sure the servant loved him back.

Something about the young nobleman’s tone melted the other’s walls and he told everything to Junhee that night. His encounter in the mountain, his duty as a shaman, his travels around the country, his sickness, Yuchan, and Byeongkwan. Junhee accepted him and in return, told him his side of the story with Younghoon. They fell asleep like that, sure they were intimate now as they would be if they could touch each other.

The next day, however, Donghun passed out in the kitchen while making tea and was found by one of the female servants. Nothing that any of the servants could do made him wake the next day and Jaeyoung was allowed the next day to look for a doctor.

The man examined the young shaman and did everything he knew to make the boy wake up, but it didn’t work. Another doctor was called with the same result. All the servants started to get very worried, but no one was more desperate than Junhee. As the days passed by and none of the healers that were called managed to wake Donghun up, he threw all his precaution away, ordering the servants to bring the shaman to his chambers, making them go out too to find a doctor who could heal his servant, while he dealt with his father.

Master Park disapproved of everything his son was doing but didn’t know what to do. He had never seen Junhee so authoritative and focused on anything in his life. After an ugly fight between the two noblemen, the son came out victorious as he had learned perfectly with his father how to play dirty. For years he had gathered all the dirt he could on the kind and just Master Park who was now inside his son’s palm.

And like this, weeks passed by. Besides getting paler and skinnier, Donghun seemed in perfect health except for being unconscious. Doctor after doctor, healer after healer came and examined the servant without any result in making him wake up. The last one that had come, an older man who lived in a different city, had advised Junhee to find a shaman. At first, the young noble didn’t want to listen to him and had been indoctrinated for most of his life to not believe this so-called woman superstition. But a voice in his brain kept remembering him that the man he loved, the same one that he was putting all his resources and efforts on, believed he was a shaman. So one night, he called Jaeyoung to his room and asked him to bring the old lady who lived just outside the city. The one that all the desperate people turned to after everything in such a rational city failed.

The ajumoni came right away and didn’t let Junhee stay inside of the room while she examined Donghun. He stayed outside, with Jaeyoung as the only company while waiting for the woman. During a few hours, she only opened the door once to ask for a bowl of hot water and a few herbs, which the servant promptly brought to her.

When she finally opened the door of the room for Junhee, Donghun was sitting back on the noble’s bed, looking serious. Without any care in the world, the young noble ran to the shaman, who opened his arms to him, letting him cry all of the stress and worries he had carried in the last weeks. After he calmed down a bit, the older shaman asked Jaeyoung to take Junhee away for a good meal while she talked to Donghun.

“Child…” She kneeled beside the bed and the young man looked at her. “You can’t keep on going like this.” He nodded, feeling the weight of her words over him. “The only being in this world that can help you is the deity you refuse to accept.”

“How am I refusing to accept them?” He asked, a bit annoyed.

“I do not know.” She smiled sadly at him. “Every bond with the deity is different and only you and they know the deal you are supposed to make.”

“But I have no idea of what it is.”

“I know, child.” She raised her hand and caressed the younger cheek. “And unfortunately I can’t help you much besides what I already did. The only thing that I can tell you, is that your are going to just one new place before going back to the start.” Donghun absorverd her words and nodded. The old lady smiled sadly at him again and gave him a few light touches on the cheek she caressed before.

“Do I need to leave now?” He asked, apprehensive.

“Only after you finished what you came to do here.” She gave him another sad look and left without another word.

Donghun didn’t faint again after that time and, with the changes that had happened in the Park state while he was unconscious, he and Junhee could finally bring their love into the physical world. The young shaman spent the last few months of his punishment loving Junhee as much as he could.

They would spend every day at the library and every night together in the young noble’s chambers, and no one could even say a word about it. The young shaman, however, was still a servant and attended to all of his duties well, so Master Park wasn’t as contradicted about his son’s lover as he wished to be.

This time, however, Donghun didn’t want to leave without explaining himself again. So he sat down one night with Junhee in the pavilion and told him what the old lady had told him. The young noble tried to argue with him, saying they could find a doctor to help the shaman there in the state, but even he knew Donghun wouldn’t accept. In a way, Junhee was aware that his time with the shaman was coming to an end. So he decided to follow the other when he left, not caring what Donghun could say. 

The couple argued again after the young noble informed him of his decision and the shaman brought up the life in the city Junhee had and the new position on the government to attend. He also reminded him that his journey was lonely and hard, too different from the comfortable and settled life he had. Still, Junhee insisted that none of that matter and nothing would separate him from his lover anymore.

His words touched Donghun’s heart and the place Junhee had conquered there beside Yuchan and Byeongkwan only grew. But still, he knew he had to leave alone. So he went to the only person that he could and warned Master Park of his son’s intentions. The old nobleman didn’t understand why the shaman was betraying Junhee’s trust but still welcomed his sense for not ruining his son’s future by a silly love affair. Donghun wanted to deny everything he said, but knew it wouldn’t matter. He still, however, insisted on how much he loved Junhee and that he was doing this to keep him safe.

Master Park tried to reward him, but Donghun refused and waited anxiously the day he would have to say goodbye to Junhee. Just a week before his punishment would be lifted, the Park family left to visit another ramification of their family and the young noble tried everything he could to not go, but this was something actually over him, as it didn’t affect only his father. So the shaman said farewell to Junhee for the time being, promising that he would see him again. He just didn’t specify when. 

A week later, Donghun left the Park state, hoping he could come back one day after being healed to see if Junhee had forgotten him, not aware that in the middle of the noble family journey, Young Master Junhee had fallen ill. Nor that he now had a dark blue butterfly on his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> Thank you so much for all of your comments. They are always so nice and bright.  
> I'm always glad to see all of you enjoying the story.  
> This chapter is so long that I'm not sure if it all makes sense, but I'm very proud of it. Mostly because of how Donghun and Jun's relationship develop on it.  
> Anyway, see you next time for the last chapter.
> 
> I'm lowkey reclusive in social media, but you can find me at [@lookspatricia](https://twitter.com/lookspatricia) and [lookslikepatricia](https://lookslikepatricia.tumblr.com/).


	4. Sehyoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In his way back home, Donghun meets a monk in a temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! I hope this can be a small Christmas gift for everyone. Enjoy!

With the old lady’s words in mind, Donghun started heading back to his village. He hadn't been home in so long, that all the shaman wanted to do was to rush back. But he knew that the path he had to walk this time was a different one from the one that had brought him to the capital, since he didn’t want to risk going back into the fisherman town to look back for Byeongkwan. Han’s warning was still fresh on his mind, like it had been made just a few days before. A whole year, however, had passed and, now, setting foot again in the world, he wondered how the seller had been doing. Had him forgotten him, like Donghun had for a while? That question started to torment him everyday. And not only about Byeongkwan. Leaving Junhee behind too, even if it was the right thing to do, broke Donghun. He never had stayed so long with someone he loved and every second without the noble was the loneliest time of his life. The days without him were gray and the nights cold. The shaman physically felt how much he missed him.

At the same time, it was weird thinking he was going back to Yuchan after everything. All that had happened to Donghun, all that he had experimented seemed from another world from his innocent and sweet first love. Still, he couldn’t contain himself in expectation to tell the farmer everything, hoping that it could, at least, relieve a bit of their old bond again, as he was sure Yuchan had already moved on of his life and found someone else to give his full heart to. Because, as for Donghun, he knew his heart was divided. At no point of his journey he had doubted the love he felt for any of those three amazing and distinct boys, but still, he worried he could never give any of them his full heart. Even if he, when he had been with them, it seemed like he had.

In his new pathway, the young shaman had gone through the mountains instead of the cities closer to the sea like before. There he felt more connected and grounded on himself than ever before, and even his broken heart and sinbeyeong weren’t as distracting as before. The only people Donghun would meet there, then, were monks in their temples. He had been to few before getting to the capital, but now it was different. Like his suffering had prepared to finally feel the spiritual energy that it came from them. Every time he came into a new temple, it was like observing the forest behind the pavilion with Junhee. Or walking around Han’s house with Byeongkwan. Or even going up the mountain with Yuchan. He felt the same reverence and the same spiritual energy there. But not the same love.

Another thing that Donghun had gained by going through the temples was the monk's wisdom. There never refused to talk and teach the shaman his ways, even after finding about his spiritual duty. A few had even gone further and tried to convince him that finding their illumination would help with his sinbyeong, and Donghun was now open enough to try. The last temple the young shaman had come in was the closest place from home he had been in so long, that an unusual melancholy came over Donghun. Still, he respected the routine and discipline in the temple, sometimes meditating from sunrise to sunset. His appetite hadn’t come back from the time in the Park state, but the nausea and headaches were completely gone.

“Donghun…” He heard a soft call as the sunset went down in the sky. As Donghun did most days, he had gone to the highest place of the temple to meditate, staying there feeling the light breeze and the nature around him. The young shaman opened his eyes and relaxed his posture as he saw one of the monks coming closer, with two steaming cups on his hand. The man was around his age and his height, but a bit more sturdy. His face was round, with small eyes, full nose and lips, and he had become the closest friend Donghun had made in any of the temples.

“Sehyoon…” He said back, while the monk sat beside him, handing the shaman one of the cups. It had become a bit of a habit between them, Sehyoon coming around sunset to wherever place Donghun had decided to meditate that day with a cup of tea and his quiet company while they watched the sun being replaced by the moon in the sky. The monk wasn’t one to talk, usually having a calming and silent presence around the temple, but could sometimes be persuaded into joking around, becoming quite silly. It was exactly the kind of company Donghun had been needing recently and he couldn’t be more grateful to have found it in Sehyoon.

The other was also teaching him a bit more of his religion, and explaining things that none other monk had dared to explain to the shaman before. In return, Donghun had put the things he had learned with Junhee, mainly reading and drinking too much tea to be actually healthy, to Sehyoon’s work. His main task at the temple was copying every new important text that passed through. Even being slow at treading, he would read out loud so that the other man could write.

“You really like it here, don’t you?” The monk asked, looking ahead like Donghun was doing.

“I do. It’s peaceful.” He replied, a small smile appearing on his lips. It was a rare thing, Sehyoon starting a conversation out of nowhere. “I think is my favorite place in the whole temple.” The other nodded and the shaman had to turn to him to see the answer. He was met, however, with the last rays of sun disappearing behind the monk, giving him an out of nature beauty and something inside of Donghun stirred.

Not that he hadn’t noticed Sehyoon’s beauty before. It was hard missing the prominent jawline when he looked at the monk from the side, or the focused look he had while doing any of his tasks around the temple. And the shaman didn’t want to admit he had stared a few times at his muscular arms during the more physical activities. But he always put those thoughts aside, not wanting to fall again for someone he would have to leave behind soon.

“You are staring…” The monk pointed, but it hadn’t a note of accusation on his voice. When Donghun didn’t answer, he turned back meeting his eyes and a fire went through them. After a while, Sehyoon got up and stuck his hand to the shaman to help him stand too. In doubt, he looked up to the monk’s face, seeing the focused expression he had seen so many times in his face already.

Donghun touched the other man’s hand, completely aware that the gesture meant there wasn't a turning back point for them. He still did, letting Sehyoon raise him from the ground and guide him to his room. None of them cared if it was against the rules or not. Not when the monk was laying on top of the shaman, both already more naked than dressed, closing the distance between their lips in a desperate kiss. The fire inside them both only grew and Donghun's hands started to go up and down Sehyoon’s toned chest while the monk's ones caressed his waist.

Soon, their nights together also became part of their routine in the temple and the shaman would always be impressed by how beautiful Sehyoon looked under the moonlight, with his broad shoulders framing his vision while he felt the monk burying himself deeper and deeper inside of him.

In the beginning, they wouldn’t talk about what was happening between them, and Donghun hoped that maybe this time he could have this physical love without giving his heart out or receiving one in return. But, as the days passed, his love for Sehyoon only increased. It was different from what had happened with Yuchan, Byeongkwan or Junhee. The monk still acted the same way he had before they had become lovers and there wasn’t a particular need of soft touches or staying with each other all the time. However, he sensed a deeper understanding and support from the other that was bigger than the one he had for himself.

“Sehyoon…” He whispered one night, while laying down besides the monk. They were both undressed and sweaty from before and the other only hummed in response, making Donghun roll around to face him on the mat. “I know I shouldn’t, but I love you.” The monk opened his eyes slowly and stared right at him.

“Why you shouldn’t love me?” Sehyoon asked back, softly.

“Because I…” The shaman started, nervous and vulnerable. “I should leave soon.” His lover came closer to him and caressed Donghun’s cheek lightly, with all the care and love in the world.

“That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t love me, Donghun. It only means that our time loving each other is even more precious.” Sehyoon's eyes sparkled while he spoke and the shaman only kissed his lips quickly in response. For the night, it was enough to know that the monk loved him back.

With time, however, the shaman started to notice a few changes in his lovers. He would sometimes take longer to wake up in the morning and would doze off while copying the texts. Sehyoon had also started to lose weight from having suddenly lost his appetite. Donghun hadn’t been the only one to notice this, but none of the other monks understood the disease that had come over Sehyoon.

“Hunnie, I’m close…” The shaman heard the whisper from behind his ear while feeling the monk’s rhythm grow while he chased his climax. He usually prefered seeing Sehyoon’s face while he went in and out of him, but that night the monk had been in a rougher mood than usual, making Donghun appreciate the way their bodies could also slam with violence against each other.

“Come…” He tried saying back, but the monk had found that spot inside of him that made Donghun see stars and he could only moan loudly in response.

His noise made something inside of Sehyoon snap and he tightened his grip on Donghun’s hips, making the other move as fast as he was thrusting into him. He had never had felt such an urge to mark anyone like he was feeling that night, but just the thought of seeing the bruises his hands were leaving on the other’s body only fuelled him further and he came grunting the shaman’s name.

The monk collapsed on top of Donghun, who somehow managed to keep both of their weights without failing to the mat. It took Sehyoon a few seconds to recover himself and lay down outside of the shaman. The sudden change made Donghun feel empty and he touched the monk’s hand while laid close to him.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked, careful and worried by the way the shaman seemed to pull his hand, but Donghun denied with his head, getting even closer. Soon, his lips were on Sehyoon’s neck, tracing light kisses and licks on the sweaty skin. He was still pulling his hand and the monk finally noticed that it was downward.

“I need more, Yoonie…” The shaman said against his neck, bringing the hand back to Donghun’s hip. He could easily put his fingers inside of his lover after bringing one of his legs on top of him, by how stretched he already was and mostly letting the shaman move against going after his own release.

Donghun stayed by Sehyoon’s neck, breathing, moaning and nibbling there until it happened, but he still didn’t let the monk take his hand out. The way the monk had handled him earlier had made him want his lover inside of him for the rest of the night and he knew that was the only way he could fulfill that desire now.

The room was quiet for a while, with both men satisfied and with their eyes closed. But then the shaman blinked and stared at the skin in front of him. A light blue butterfly was appearing at Sehyoon’s neck right in front of his eyes and he couldn’t stop the small exclamation that came out of his lips. He moved out of the monk’s hand and sat down carefully, feeling his hips hurt a bit.

His movements had made Sehyoon become alert again and he observed while Donghun traced the butterfly with his fingers. He couldn’t recognize the drawing being made on his neck, only the fire that it left behind. The monk looked questioning at the shaman, who had eyes wide in shock and wet in tears. That was what prompted Sehyoon to sit down in front of his lover and bring him into a tight hug. Very soon, Donghun was crying and struggling to speak a proper sentence. The monk hushed him and lulled him to sleep. They could talk about what happened in the morning.

The first thing Donghun saw the next day was the butterfly. It was a beautiful representation of the insect, in a color that he deemed impossible to happen in the wild and he would never have believed it suddenly appeared there if he hadn’t seen it happen. He dressed himself carefully and went outside, to find a nice place to meditate. The monk found him a few hours later, in the corner of the temple that was the closest to the edge of the mountain. He sat in silence beside Donghun, not wanting to disturb his lover, and thought about the butterfly that had appeared on his neck. He had seen in the bowl of water he used to wash his face and, for him, it wasn’t as unusual as it seemed to be for the shaman, since Sehyoon was used to seeing Donghun’s purple one.

“I need to go, Sehyoon.” The shaman started suddenly, opening his eyes and turning to him.

“I know.” The monk said back, also turning around. They met their eyes and smiled at each other. It wasn’t a sad smile, but it was exactly happy either. “And I need to go with you.” Donghun nodded and started telling Sehyoon all he had gone through until meeting him.

Both men left the temple a few days later, in the direction of Donghun’s village. Still going through the mountains, it took them two weeks to reach the shaman’s home. Not much changed around. The houses were the same, the small river was still the same and the people were the same. No one recognized him, as he had grown a bit more and developed a few muscles in his journey. He was also accompanied by an outsider, and that alone would make any of the village folk think that he wasn’t one of their own. Still, he went around the place, showing it to Sehyoon, who had a small amused smile from seeing the always serious Donghun looking so excited pointing to houses of old men and women who used to give him all kinds of fruits and snacks while growing up.

Every corner of the village, however, reminded him of Yuchan. There was the corner where they fought an older girl who had spread rumors about the younger’s feet smelling bad. And there was the tree where they had rescued a small bird who had been left behind by its family because of his broken wing. Donghun didn’t shelter away from sharing those stories with Sehyoon, not missing the fond look he had every time the shaman mentioned his first love.

They walked a bit further into the village until reaching the farms. The monk looked around, watching the people working the land while the shaman had eyes fixed on the mountain. Really soon he would have to go up there again and a shiver passed through his whole body. Distracted by his own thoughts, Donghun didn't notice the hurried steps or the young man that had bumped into Sehyoon. 

“Are you okay?” The monk asked the man, who was a bit shorter than him, and had hair and eyes of dark brown.

“Oh, yes, I am…” He said , flustered, and lowered the basket full of tangerines he was caring before looking up at the man who had caught him just in time. “I just felt a bit dizzy and…” Sehyoon smiled at him, seeing a small blush appear in the man’s face before he turned away, embarrassed. The man’s expression, however, widened in shock. “Donghun hyung?” He called and the shaman turned to him.

“Byeongkwan?” Donghun recognized the man in the same moment he put his eyes on him, even if he looked a bit taller and paler. “What are you doing here?” The younger man didn’t answer right away, instead closing the distance between him and the shaman and pulling him into a hug. Sehyoon absorbed the situation quickly and gave both of them some space, taking the basket of tangerines on his arms and going to wait at the side of the road.

Just a few seconds later, Byeongkwan let go of Donghun and looked at his face. He had missed the older so much and was ready to say that when he noticed the tears on the shaman’s eyes. He raised his hands and cleaned his tears, but the care in his touch only made him cry harder.

“I’m so sorry, Kwanie. Han told me to leave without looking back and I…” The shaman started, between hiccups, but the younger dismissed.

“Hyung, I wasn’t in any condition to even see you after that night…” His face became a bit more red. “But we shouldn’t talk about that in the middle of the road.” Byeongkwan then raised himself on his tiptoes and lightly brushed his lips to Donghun’s.

The shaman smiled into the innocent kiss at first, but then looked away after the younger let go off his face. His eyes met Sehyoon’s right away, but the monk was smiling softly at the scene and Donghun couldn’t understand why. He, however, had no time to think about it as Byeongkwan held one of his hands and brought him to where the monk was.

“Thank you…” The younger said, blushing again and sticking his arms in the direction of the basket, making Sehyoon’s smile become even softer.

“You are welcome, Byeongkwan-ssi.” He widened his eyes in surprise and the monk ruffed his hair. “Donghun told me about you.”

“He did?” The younger turned to the shaman with a smug expression, making the older roll his eyes.

“We should get going, though…” Donghun said, trying to change the subject of their talk. The other two nodded and they started to walk in the direction of the shaman’s house. “But you still haven’t told me what you are doing here, Kwanie.” The younger sighed while he was still trying to make Sehyoon give him the basket back, which was something the monk had no intention of doing.

“After that night, I got very sick, hyung.” He started, embarrassed. “I had a strong fever for two weeks and only after Han ajussi did this ritual was that I started to get better from it. But then I lost all my appetite and had horrible pains in my body from time to time. Han ajussi was the only one that could give me some sort of relief, but he was always very agitated, blaming me for what had happened.” He made a pause but didn’t let Donghun ask what he meant. “Then I started to dream of a mountain and he already knew about it. He said I had to go to that mountain not matter what, even if I died in the way.”

“That sounds like him…” The shaman said, with a strangled smile.

“Always the dramatic old man, right?” Byeongkwan laughed at his own joke. “But also a soft one. He taught me a few things about his line of work and told me to take care of myself. So I left home and ended up in this small village where even less stuff happens than home and I knew it was in the right place.” He bumped against Donghun’s side and they smiled at each other. “I was very lucky that the first person I met here was Yuchanie. He brought me in to see your mother and she has been taking care of me since.”

“You are staying in my house?” The shaman asked, impressed.

“I am… But don’t worry, hyung. I have been helping at the farm as much as can to repay your parents. Even if they say it is not necessary.” The younger assured him, but Donghun’s mind was far away from that.

“How…” He started when his parents’ house came on sight. “How is Yuchan?” The shaman asked, carefully and the other two noticed the rush of emotion on his voice.

“You should ask him that later, hyung.” Byeongkwan said, in a warm and secretive tone.

The younger brought them inside the house and while Donghun took in how almost nothing had changed there, he went to call his father. The main difference was that Byeongkwan had been obviously using his bedroom, by the strange clothes in a corner of it and the shaman told Sehyoon that, who only hugged his side to show he was there for him.

Hun came running into the house and as soon as he saw his son, the tears started to fall down his face. He hugged Donghun tightly and didn’t let go even after the young man complained he couldn’t breath.

“Where is…” The shaman started when his father finally decided to let go of him. Byeongkwan had moved quickly to bring them some food while they sat down in the living room and Sehyoon, not wanting to intrude on the family moment, decided to help him.

“She has been taking care of a case outside the village.” Hun informed him, still holding his face, like he wanted to find every single change on it. “The poor boy has been unconscious for weeks now.” He then looked outside and saw the sun starting to set. “She should be home soon.” Byeongkwan and Sehyoon came back and the food was served. “Kwanie…” The farmer called the younger, who promptly attended. “You should call Yuchan too. He will be glad to see our Donghun back.” Hun smiled at the man, who nodded and went away.

“Why did you taken Byeongkwan in?” The shaman asked as soon as the younger had left.

“He came into the village on the verge of collapsing and your mother was the only one who could help him.” The farmer reminescend. “Hye then said we needed to keep him as he was our responsibility now.” Hun turned to Sehyoon, giving a quick glance to his neck. “She said the same about Yuchan after you left.” Something about his father’s tone scared Donghun, but he heard hushed steps coming inside the house and turned around just in time to see Yuchan coming in and hugging him tightly.

The young farmer had grown even more, becoming even more beautiful and mature looking. Still, it was clear his skinny constitution wasn’t just by nature and his pale face worried Donghun. Byeongkwan sat beside Sehyoon and the shaman turned to them while patting the youngest head. They had identical soft smiles on their lips and even his father was watching the scene with affection in his eyes. Hun had ever had a soft spot for their younger neighbour.

Yuchan detached himself from Donghun and gave the older a long look, studying his face. When he was satisfied, he held the shaman’s face with hands, smiling brightly. There was such love and care in his touch that the older didn’t stop himself before bringing the younger closer for a kiss. The other man in the room didn’t even bat an eye and Yuchan smiled as soon as their lips touched. After the kiss, Donghun caressed the younger’s cheek a few times and the other’s smile only grew. It was enough to convince him for now that this wasn’t a dream. That Yuchan was actually there, in his arms again.

“How have you been, Channie?” He asked, softly.

“Better now that you are back, hyung.” The younger answered in the same tone and they heard a small cough. Turning around, they met Byeongkwan with an offended expression and Sehyoon with a mischievous one.

“What about me?” He asked the other, who giggled.

“You were enough to fill in the hole, hyung.” Yuchan said to the other, teasingly, making him roll his eyes.

“I don’t want to know about that, boys…” Hun intervened, an amused expression on his face. The two youngest apologised, but the older man dismissed, turning again to Sehyoon. “You haven’t introduced your new friend to us, Donghun.”

“My name is Kim Sehyoon.” The monk introduced himself shortly, bowing, and Yuchan and Byeongkwan exchanged a look that the shaman didn’t understand. His father, however, noticed and hurried all the younger men to eat up, knowing that none of them would eat much. Hun sighed after seeing he was right and cleaned the table to let them talk a bit more freely before Hye came back.

“Hyung, tell me everything!” Yuchan exclaimed as soon as they were alone, but it lacked a bit of the energy the younger used to have.

“Channie, you can’t be like this.” Byeongkwan warned him, receiving a funny face in return. There was when Donghun saw it. The red butterfly on his neck. Not containing himself, he raised his fingers and touched the drawing on the youngest skin. Yuchan met eyes with him and smiled sadly at the shaman.

“When?” He whispered, scared of confirming his suspicions.

“The night you left.” Yuchan answered, seriously. “Your mother was the one who founded it when she came to see me in the morning. My parents were really afraid of the fever I had.” He then smiled softly at Donghun, to soothe him. “She has been taking care of me since.” The youngest turned to Byeongkwan. “Like she’s been doing with Kwanie hyung.”

“You also have one?” The shaman asked him and he nodded.

“His is yellow, though….” Yuchan said, laughing.

“It suits him…” Sehyoon commented, bringing everyone's attention to him.

“Thanks…” Byeongkwan said, blushing again.

“You noticed?” Donghun asked the monk, who nodded back. “When?”

“On the road.” He answered back and then went into a thinking mode, not saying anything else. They all stayed in silence for a while, lost in thought.

Donghun had finally connected the dots and the guilt was almost unbearable. He was the one who had made them feel sick. He was the one who had fallen in love with them and spread his mark to them. Even without what that it meant exactly, he knew it was his fault.

There was a loud noise outside of the house and the group looked through the open door. A woman had sat down on the porch outside and had her face in her face, in a perfect display of desperation. Byeongkwan quickly got up to help Hye, but Sehyoon caught his sleeve and made a signal for him to sit down again, which he did. Yuchan then put his hand over Donghun’s and squeezed lightly. The shaman nodded and went outside, sitting beside his mother.

The woman got startled when she felt arms bringing her close in a hug by the shoulders. She raised her head, meeting her son’s face. Donghun turned to look at her and smiled softly and Hye did the same before putting one hand on his cheek to caress it.

“I knew you were coming back, but didn’t imagine it would so quickly.” The mother whispered, trying to hide the emotion in her voice. Donghun only nodded, not trusting himself to speak. She then turned around to look inside the house and saw the three other men pretending that they weren’t watching the scene outside. Her eyes met Sehyoon’s and he bowed to her. “What’s his name?” Hye asked her son to turn back to him.

“Sehyoon…” The younger shaman said, embarrassed and she let out a small chuckle. "He is a monk…"

“Does he also have a butterfly?” The mother questioned and Donghun nodded again. She then turned to the night sky, breathing deeply. “You should come with me tomorrow, Hunnie.” He agreed and Hye got up. After giving him a small sad look, she went inside to rest.

Yuchan left not much later, to go to his own house and Donghun brought Byeongkwan and Sehyoon to his bedroom so they could sleep there for the night. At sunrise, Hye woke Donghun up and they sat foot on the road that left the village. The sun was already high in the sky by the time they reached their destination. It was the house of the only noble family of the region and Hye was welcomed by a young servant girl who took them straight to a room inside of the house.

His mother hadn’t said a word about the case to Donghun and the only information he had was what his father had told him, so nothing could have prepared him to find Jaeyoung kneeled besides an apparently sleeping Junhee inside of the room. Without thinking, he prompted himself inside caughting the young noble’s hand. It wasn’t cold, but it lacked the normal warm touch that he had grown used to.

Startled by the sudden movement, Jaeyoung opened his eyes and saw Donghun. Confused, he turned to Hye and she only nodded to him. The young servant nodded back and got up to leave with the girl that had brought the two shamans in. He would have time to talk to Donghun later. Hye got closer to her son and, with a sad look, turned to the unconscious men. She then turned Junhee’s head to the side under Donghun’s attentive gaze, showing him the dark blue butterfly on his neck. His eyes followed the delicate lines of the butterfly and soon filled itself with tears.

“What does it mean?” The young shaman asked, voice choked with sadness and guilt.

“I’m not sure.” His mother answered firmly, trying to not denounce her own desperation on the situation. “But it obviously has something to do with you, Donghun.” She then raised her eyes to look at him properly. “You are the only one who can tell me what these four different boys have in common.” The young man didn’t answer right away, too caught up in his own emotions and thoughts to say anything. What could a nobleman, a monk, a seller and a farmer could possibly have in common? What could those four men from different places have done to be marked like this?

“I love them…” Donghun admitted between hiccups. “I love them with all my heart.” His sadness saying it was so big that the room suddenly became darker and humid.

“Breath, Hunnie…” The young shaman felt his mother’s hands on his shoulders at the same time her voice reached his ears. He did what his mother had said and soon the room came back to normal. Hye brought his son closer and hugged him, trying to comfort him.

“And they love me back…” He whispered inside of his mother's embrace.

The two shamans only left Junhee's convalescent room in the middle of the afternoon. Donghun had tried to apply a few of Han’s teachings to wake the noble up, but nothing worked. His mother observed from far away, a mix of feelings inside. She was proud of the man her son had become, especially while using his gift, but she was also broken inside. Not only Donghun hadn’t finished his sinbyeong, but the people he loved were going through the same suffering her son was.

When they left the room, the servant girl took Hye to talk with the master of the house to give him updates about his nephew’s health and Donghun stayed by the door, watching Junhee sleep form a far. The young noble was skinnier and paler, but didn’t seem to be in bad health.

“Hyung…” He heard a low call and turned around to look at Jaeyoung.

“What happened?” The young shaman asked the servant. “When you all left the Park state, he was…”

“Sad and angry, but in good health.” Jaeyoung completed and Donghun nodded. “No one is sure. A week after we left, Young Master Junhee developed a fever, so we all hurried here. But by the time we did, he had become unconscious and nothing woke him up.” The servant looked inside to the room. “Master Park was desperate and brought in all kinds of doctors, but none could help him. His wife then remembered that only a shaman managed to wake you up, hyung, and he ordered that someone brought in one.” He, then, sighed. “Hye-ssi came like she had been waiting for the call.”

“She probably was…” Donghun commented and Jaeyoung only nodded.

“She couldn’t wake our Young Master, but said the rest of the family should go back home. Master Park was furious, but Young Mistress Sooyoung noticed her brother’s expression becoming more peaceful after those words were said. It took a while, but Master Park was convinced to leave. I stayed to attend him in whatever was necessary.” A note of sadness came out of Jaeyoung's voice but the young shaman didn’t say anything else. Hye came back and they went back to the village. 

“Tomorrow I will go to the temple on the mountain.” Donghun said, in the middle of the way. “Alone.” His mother didn’t answer or show any sign of having heard him, but she also didn’t deny or refuse him. 

That night, the Lee family ate with his two guests and Yuchan. The youngest didn’t leave after dinner and the four young men slept in Donghun's room, not caring about how pressed they were to each other by the narrow space. It was also clear that in the months Byeongkwan had stayed with his family, he and Yuchan had become extremely close and, with just a day of knowing each other, the two youngest had already got into Sehyoon’s soft spot.

At sunrise, Donghun got up and prepared himself to climb the mountain. The only one who came to see him before leaving was Sehyoon, and like he usually did in the temple, he gave the shaman a cup of tea. He also kissed the other good luck and watched Donghun cross the farm and follow the sacred path to the deity’s temple.

The way to the temple was shorter and quicker than what he remembered. In no time he had passed all the three shrines and had got to the top of the mountain when the sun had just got high in the sky. There was no fog or breeze around and the trees seemed like normal trees. The woman, however, was sitting in the entrance of the temple and she hadn’t aged a day in all those years since Donghun had last seen her.

He bowed to her and sat in front of the temple, waiting while she observed him attentively. In the sunlight, her skin looked even more clear than before and her hair was even darker. The tight bun had now half of her hair down, but the white binyeo still tied the hair up and her red and blue hanbok seemed newer and cleaner.

“Lee Donghun…” She finally said, and her voice was softer and lighter than he remembered. “Even begrundeling, you did what was asked from you and for that, I’m grateful.”

“I did?” His voice still came out shaken. Somehow the calmer image in which the deity was presenting herself now was as scary as the first time.

“You did.” She, then, smiled and her teeth were as white as her binyeo. “With a lot more suffering than what I had wanted to, but you still did.” The young shaman didn’t ask what she meant and her smile grew. “Your sickness, or what you humans call sinbyeong, was a sign of our bond. You should have listened to the ones who had similar bonds than ours and accepted me.”

“How…” Donghun gulped. “How could I have done that?” The deity smiled mischievously.

“By accepting the feelings I was feeding to you.” Her face became peaceful again. “By listening to what I was whispering in your ear.” The man widened his eyes in shock. “See, even now you are scared of it.” Donghun lowered his head, ashamed. She was right, he had been so scared of something inside of him that wasn’t himself that he tried it to keep himself apart from that as much as he could. “Fear is a powerful thing, child.” He raised his head again, trying to be brave now. “It’s there to help humans survive in dangerous situations, but it clouds the vision and heart.” The shaman nodded. “But you don’t have anything else to fear, Lee Donghun. By supporting your burden and doing what I asked of you, you have suppressed the limits of humanity.” The deity standed up and came closer to him. “You are something new now.” Donghun looked at her shocked and scared and she touched his face with fleeting fingers. For the first time in years, the shaman felt his full force back, without any pain or nausea. The woman smiled at him and helped him get up. She brought him behind the temple, where there was a small lake in the clouds.

The deity walked through the water, bringing Donghun by the hand until a small pavilion that appeared in the middle of it. The man was impressed by not getting immersed in the lake, but then caught a small glance of his appearance on the transparent surface of the lake. He had become a bit more muscular and his skin seemed more tanned than it had ever been before. But what had actually caught his attention was his eyes and hair. Both had become the color of his butterfly, purple like lavender. The goddess sat in the pavilion with Donghun, with a small table with steaming tea between them.

“If I can ask a question…” He started, unsure and the deity made a signal for him to continue. “What have you asked me to do?”

“You haven’t figured that out yet, Donghun?” She asked back, in an amused tone. The way she said his name had changed, like she didn’t consider him inferior anymore. He denied with his head and she smiled.

“You were my test.” She said before taking a sip of her tea. “For centuries, humans have come to me asking all kinds of things. Money, power, status.” A rage passed though her face, turning quickly in a smirk. “And I have always ignored them.” The deity expression then calmed down and her smile became soft. “But there were the ones that came to me to ask for health, happiness and love. Those I attended, gladly.” She then turned around, to the sky around them. “With time, I noticed how hard it was for humans to find and love people who were good for them. Who had the same values and interests in life. I wanted to change that.” She turned back to him, fondly. “Your mother always trusted me, even when I asked or showed things that she didn’t agree on. And she was the only human who trusted me enough to hold her new born baby. Looking at your face, I saw you were the one I was waiting for.” Not knowing what to say, Donghun drank his tea and it was sweeter and more invigorating than anything he had drunk before. The goddess smiled at him again, pleased that the boy was adapting so well to the spiritual realm.

“So I attracted you to my temple through Yuchan and marked you.” Donghun widened his eyes in surprise. “I knew you wouldn’t come willing, so I caught you by your heart. Your love for that boy was one of the most beautiful and innocent ones that I have ever seen. And I can’t deny that I was very glad when you marked him with your love too.”

“Then it’s my fault, right? That he became sick?”

“I wouldn’t say you are at fault here, Donghun. By marking you, I condemned you to mark whoever you loved in your life.” The deity didn’t seem ashamed by it. “Your mother was right in calling those boys your responsibility. They are because you love them. But that doesn’t mean they are your burden to carry. So you should let go of your guilt. You chose them, they chose you back.”

“But…”

“Their sickness is like yours.” She moved her hand around and four different butterflies appeared in the air, one of each color. “Yuchan learned from your mother’s behaviour to fear his spiritual destiny, the same way you did.” The goddess touched the red butterfly and it started flying around them. “Byeongkwan thought shamans and spiritual beings were old and grumpy beings, so coming in contact with a deity took a stool on him.” She touched the yellow butterfly and it also started flying around them. “Junhee has always been sensitive to supernatural energies, but his father wanted something else for him. He is still lost inside of his inner turmoil.” It was the time she touched the dark blue butterfly and it also started flying. “Sehyoon understood better than any of you what was happening to him and he is the one who has suffered the least.” She touched the last butterfly, the light blue one, and it flew around them too for a while. “Their sickness wasn’t caused by you. It came from their own struggle to accept their bond with me.”

“Why them?” Donghun asked.

“You know the answer to that already.” The deity’s tone was warm and the four butterflies landed on his hands and he observed them. “But you have a choice now, Donghun. You can free them of their bond and let them live their normal human lives without you or you can bring them here with you to help us in our mission.”

“Mission?” He raised his eyes to the goddess, who was smiling again.

“I plan to mark humans in order to help them find their true match and I could use some more help.” She smiled mischievously again and Donghun nodded.

“I should ask them what they want, right?” It wasn’t exactly a question. He just wanted to be sure he could give the others a choice, and the deity nodded, giving him permission.

Donghun got up with the butterflies still on his hands and with just a few steps, he was back home. The night was already deep around him and he entered the house that once had been his home, finding the three men he loved sleeping in his room. Sehyoon was the first one to wake up and with only a small glance at Donghun, he opened his palm and the light blue butterfly flew to land there. He got up, gave him a small kiss on the cheek and went to wait outside. The shaman, then, caressed Yuchan hair lightly to wake him up. The farmer opened his eyes and started to question him, but Donghun shushed him.

“You don’t want to wake up Kwanie now, do you?” He asked and Yuchan nodded, sitting down. The farmer saw the butterflies on his hand. “You don’t have to say yes, Channie. You can stay here and live a normal life.”

“I told you I was going to wait for you, hyung, remember?” His voice was fond and loving, like it had been that night. “I said that because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I still want to.” Yuchan smiled at Donghun and caught the red butterfly from the older’s hand. “I just need to say goodbye to my parents, okay?” The other nodded and watched the younger leave the house. 

“Kwanie…” Donghun called softly and the last man opened his eyes. They smiled at each other after the younger sat down, scratching his eyes from the sleepless. “Do you still want an adventure?” He asked, doubtful and the other laughed before coming closer to hug and kiss him. The yellow butterfly flew around while they kissed and landed on the younger’s head. “You should warn my parents what is happening while I wake a sleepy head.” Byeongkwan laughed and got up, walking in the direction of Donghun's parents' room. The shaman also got up and left the house, only squeezing Sehyoon’s hand before going in the direction of the road. He would be back soon.

In just a few minutes, Donghun was climbing the window of Junhee’s convalescent room. He didn’t want to attract any attention to what was happening as he wasn’t sure of what kind of things he could do now that he wasn’t human anymore. But it soon became clear that he wouldn’t be seen, since as soon as he came inside the room, Jaeyoung, who apparently was cleaning Junhee’s forehead with a wet cloth, fell asleep. He came closer to his lover and held his hand again, like he had done the last time. This time, however, Junhee opened his eyes and a small smile appeared on his lips as soon as he saw Donghun.

“It’s time to choose, Jun.” He said and the young noble sat up. “Are you going to keep sneaking up under your father’s eyes or are you going to live your own life?” Junhee only smiled at him and Donghun hugged him, putting the last butterfly, the dark blue one, on his shoulder.

After the hug, Donghun went to wait for Junhee outside the state while he explained to Jeayoung what was happening. Then, the two set back to Donghun’s house, finding the other boys already outside. The shaman came in again, alone, and said farewell to his parents. His father hugged him tight and his mother touched his face one last time before him and the other boys sat foot to the mountain, to never be seen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> Here's the last chapter just in time for Christmas.  
> I really just want to thank everyone who has come on Donghun's journey with me, especially all of you who have left such kind comments. I was very insecure about the second half of the story and seeing people loving this fic as much as I do help me out a lot.  
> And all of you who are a bit sad that the story came to an end, don't worry. This isn't the last time we will see our favorite boys in this universe.  
> See you next time.
> 
> I'm lowkey reclusive in social media, but you can find me at [@lookspatricia](https://twitter.com/lookspatricia) and [lookslikepatricia](https://lookslikepatricia.tumblr.com/).


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